Boners

Boner Candidate Preview September 1, 2016

Boner Preview #1: BURGERS AND ART

He’s a performance artist best known for nailing his scrotum to the ground at Moscow’s Red Square; they’re an international burger chain keen to jump on the latest pop culture bandwagon. So perhaps it was inevitable that to mark the sixth anniversary of its branch in St Petersburg, Petr Pavlensky’s home town, Burger King has announced it is releasing a series of limited edition burgers, each modified “in tribute” to the artist’s wince-inducing stunts.

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Boner Preview #2: I DID NOT SHOOT AT THEM GUYS WITH THAT GUN YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THERE AND NEITHER DID MY SON, PROBABLY

A father and son were booked into Utah County Jail on Friday after one reportedly shot at a few hunters and the other reportedly harassed and retaliated against the same hunters. Police reports state that Utah County deputies were dispatched Thursday night to Diamond Fork Canyon where several hunters reported that a male had shot at them.

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Boner Preview #3: GOD NEEDS A BETTER INSURANCE POLICY

CONNELLSVILLE, Pa. —Volunteers are working to clean up a Connellsville church after floodwaters destroyed a wall, sending water and mud into the basement. Connellsville Church of God sits on a hill, but flooding backed up drains. The force of the water collapsed an outside wall, sending 4 feet of water into the fellowship hall.

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Boner Preview #4: HERE’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ASK THE INTERNET TO NAME SOMETHING FOR YOU.

The World Meteorological Organization (WMO), an intergovernmental organization responsible for the naming of hurricanes and storms, learned all about the dangers of asking the Internet for help last week when it asked people to suggest a name for the next Tropical Storm that forms in the Atlantic. On Thursday, the WMO launched an online poll to decide a name for the new storm.

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Boner Preview #5: SHE GAVE HERSELF A BEATDOWN

A millionaire has released video of his former fiancee hitting herself in the face during a temper tantrum to rubbish claims he abused her. Scott Mitchell, 45, has released the footage of Mary Hunt, 29, supposedly beating herself up as part of a tense legal battle. The businessman from Tampa Bay, Florida, has accused her of stealing $2.1million worth of jewelry from the safe in his sprawling mansion when they split last summer.

Boner Preview #6: WELCOME FEMALE TOURISTS! WELCOME TO INDIA.

Mahesh Sharma, India’s culture minister, said this week that foreign women should not wear skirts while visiting the country, drawing broad criticism in a nation trying to assure female tourists they do not need to fear sexual assault. “The tourists, when they arrive at the airport, they are being given a welcome kit,” Mr. Sharma told reporters on Sunday in televised remarks.

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