Boners

Boner Candidates April 14, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT COULD HAVE MADE THOSE BROWN FINGER PRINTS?

A takeaway chef wiped his bottom using his hands before preparing food because he does not use toilet paper for ‘cultural reasons’, a court heard. Mahbub Chowdhury, 46, from Swindon, was found to have a filthy bottle in the kitchen of Yeahya Flavour of Asia, which inspectors concluded was covered in faecal matter. When questioned, he said he filled the empty milk bottle with water from the kitchen taps before using it to clean his backside after going to the toilet. Chowdhury prepared meat and fish curries at the takeaway, which was run out of a rented kitchen at the Nine Elms pub. The chef, who no longer works at the takeaway, pleaded guilty to ten counts of breaching food hygiene regulations at Swindon Magistrates Court. He was fined more than £5,000 last year for ten similar offences relating to food hygiene. Rosie Heath, prosecuting, said environmental health officers who visited the business in May last year found ‘very poor standards of hygiene’.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE HAVE DIFFERENT TEACHING TECHNIQUES IN EUROPE

High school pupils filmed their teacher flashing her bra and performing a bizarre striptease in class. The blonde’s “sexy” dance has been shared thousands of times on Whatsapp and social media. The video is believed to have been taken at Gramsci Keynes Institute in Prato, Tuscany, and has caused outrage among bosses and parents. Local media say the dancing woman was an IT teacher, but did not reveal her identity. In the short clip, she yanks up her black top to reveal her white bra. She then starts bouncing around and dancing as pupils film her. The teacher is seemingly aware of the camera as she smiles into the lens. Headmistress Maria Grazia Tempesti said she was “shocked” by the footage. She said the school has started disciplinary action and has summoned other teachers to investigate the case. The video was first posted on a Facebook page called “Azione Giovani,” or Youth Action. A representative of the group and a former student at the school, Philip Balugani, released the footage to the media.

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Boner Candidate #3: HARVARD RAPE CLUBS

Sexual assault is a widespread problem at Harvard. But one prominent alum bizarrely argued this week that allowing women to join historically all-male clubs on campus would put them in even more danger. Charles M. Storey, the graduate club president of The Porcellian, a 225-year-old “final club,” protested the administration’s ongoing push to make single-gender clubs more inclusive in a statement to The Harvard Crimson. Storey argued that barring women from the club “greatly reduce[s] the potential for sexual assault.” “Given our policies, we are mystified as to why the current administration feels that forcing our club to accept female members would reduce the incidence of sexual assault on campus,” he added. “Forcing single gender organizations to accept members of the opposite sex could potentially increase, not decrease the potential for sexual misconduct.” A March report by a Harvard task force on sexual assault criticized the exclusive and independent social clubs, noting that 47 percent of female seniors polled said they’d been the victims of “nonconsensual sexual contact” at their events. 

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