Boners

Boner Candidates August 16, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS ONE IS WRONG

An Albuquerque family are suing a nightclub after a woman choked to death during a corn dog eating contest while drunk.Debra Harbeck, 56, was competing in the contest which required women to get on their knees in front of men holding corn dogs near their groins, according to the lawsuit.The winner was whoever could eat the corn dog the fastest.But the mother-of-one had choked on the corn dog during the competition and while bar patrons attempted to perform the Heimlich maneuver and CPR, she suffered irreparable brain damage while waiting for the paramedics. She was rushed to hospital but died the following day on January 28 – the day of her daughter’s birthday – after being taken off life support, Albuquerque Journal reports.
‘My dad wanted to wait to pull the plug until midnight of my birthday so that she wouldn’t die on my birthday,’ her daughter Jessie said.

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Boner Candidate #2: I WILL ROAST AMERICA

A German man set nearly 50 fires in a California arson spree because he wanted revenge for his mother’s deportation, a prosecutor told jurors Monday.Harry Burkhart inflicted ‘unspeakable devastation and terror,’ Los Angeles County prosecutor Sean Carney told jurors in his opening statement, City News Service reported. Burkhart, 29, had threatened to ‘roast America’ after his mother, Dorothee Burkhart, was ordered extradited to Germany to face fraud charges, prosecutors said.’ Authorities say Burkhart placed incendiary devices under cars in Hollywood, the San Fernando Valley and West Hollywood on December 30 and December 31, 2011, and on January 2, 2012. Some vehicles were in carports and in 19 cases the fires spread to homes and apartments.
The sheer number of fires ‘brought the fire department in this city to its knees,’ Carney said.

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Boner Candidate #3: PERHAPS YOUR MUSIC CHOICE SHOWED A LACK OF JUDGEMENT

The Chicago Cubs have apologized after Aroldis Chapman’s appearance on the field was accompanied by The Prodigy’s single ‘Smack My B**** Up.’ Not only is the song – which has the line ‘Change my pitch up/Smack my b**** up’ – not suitable for families, it’s extra awkward when used to accompany Chapman.That’s because the relief pitcher served a 30-day suspension at the start of this season for allegedly choking his girlfriend, the New York Daily News reported. The 1997 song played at the Cubs’ home ground of Wrigley Stadium after Chapman had finished pitching the ninth inning and was walking to the dugout. ‘The selection of this track showed a lack of judgment and sensitivity to an important issue,’ Cubs president Crane Kenney said in a statement.

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  • X96

    X96 is Utah's Original Alternative. It is self-aware. It is ingrained. It plays bands like Panic! at the Disco, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Cure, and Muse. It's part of a healthy diet and it's why native Utahns are so stout and stalwart. Listen and become part of it and it will become part of you.

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