Boner Candidate #1: WHAT YOU CALL LEWDNESS I CALL A FASHION STATEMENT
Police say a 59-year-old man who wore a bikini fashioned out of see-through plastic wrap on a New Jersey beach is facing a criminal charge. They say Stephen Wojciehowski spent two days on a Long Beach Island beach wearing a homemade bikini in which his genitals were clearly exposed and was charged with lewdness. NJ.com reports the Stafford Township man was arrested Monday and was released pending further court proceedings.
Boner Candidate #2: HOWEVER, THE DUCKS WERE IN GREAT DANGER
Reports of an armed man spotted in the area prompted a brief “lockout” at Weber County’s Hooper Elementary School Monday morning. However, the “suspect” later was determined to have been a duck hunter, one of many reported heading toward the marshes and bird refuge areas Monday along the Great Salt Lake, just west of the community of 7,000. “We have a lot of duck hunters out this time of year,” said Weber County Sheriff’s Sgt. Jeremy Rock. “The school was never in danger.”
Boner Candidate #3: OH SURE, BLAME A CLOWN. IT’S ALWAYS THE CLOWN’S FAULT ISN’T IT?
A woman made up a report that she was attacked by a clown with a knife because she was running late to her job at McDonald’s, according to police. Alexsandra Conley, 18, of Hamilton called police around 6 a.m. Saturday, saying a clown jumped over a fence, waved a knife at her and cut her left thumb. Conley described the suspect as a male wearing a clown suit with a red wig, white facial makeup and a teardrop on his left cheek. Police said Conley was calm as she was being examined by medics, even using her cellphone to access Facebook.
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