Boners

Boner Candidates July 14, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: WE ARE A GIANT CORPORATION AND WE WILL CRUSH YOU

In its quest to own the “Park City” name, Vail’s name is, well, mud. At least with about 250 residents who rallied Wednesday in front of City Hall to protest the Colorado-based corporation’s application to trademark the name “Park City.” They held placards that read “Park City: Our Town, Our Name” and “Just Say No to Vail-ed Threats.” Singer Tony Oros led the crowd in a rendition of the Beatles’ “Revolution” and other protest songs. He even tweaked the lyrics to “The Ballad of John and Yoko” to say, “The way things are going, they’re going to crucify P.C.” The trademark application has been filed. The deadline for objections was July 9, but Park City Hall has sought a 60-day extension. An online petition against Vail Resorts’ application has garnered 2,300 signatures.

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Boner Candidate #2: POKEMON GO NUDES? REALLY?

Welp. Everyone knew this would happen, right? Pokémon Go makes use of your camera, and you can take a picture of whatever you’d like while playing, after all. (NSFW content ahead!) Actually, right now the internet has a number of different kinds of Pokémon Gonudes floating around, with at least a couple of people purporting to use Pokémon Go during or right before sex. The most popular image, which you’ve probably seen by now, is titled “WHEN YOU ABOUT TO SMASH BUT POKEMONGO IS LIFE.” It is not the only image online: there are definitely more raunchy images floating around. Plenty of people are taking nude selfies and sharing them on social media too, and there’s an entire subreddit dedicated to NSFW Pokémon Go pictures. But the most common type of Pokémon Go nude pic has to be the dick pic. Surprising absolutely no one, dudes out there are showing off their latestPokémon capture by letting it all hang out. A cursory Tumblr search shows a lotmore of where that came from. It is probably only a matter of time before website Critique My Dick Pic finds itself having to judge a wang right next to a Doduo or whatever. Pray for them.

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Boner Candidate #3: BEAUTY CONTESTANTS SHOULD GENERALLY REFRAIN FROM MAKING COMMENTS ON ANYTHING

The first black Miss Alabama apologized on Monday after suggesting that Micah Johnson, who fatally shot five Dallas police officers last week, was a “martyr.” Kalyn Chapman James, speaking to WPMI, an Alabama station, said she has received threats since posting an emotional video to Facebook on Sunday. “I don’t want to feel this way,” the 1993 pageant winner said in the original two-minute video, which was taken down late Tuesday morning. “I’m dealing with a bit of guilt because I don’t feel sad for the officers that lost their lives, and I know that that’s not really my heart. I value human life, and I want to feel sad for them, but I can’t help but [feel] like the shooter was a martyr.” On Monday, James clarified her stance. “What Micah did was wrong, period,” she told WPMI. “Maybe martyr wasn’t the right word but it was what came to mind at that time.”

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