Boners

Boner Candidates June 1, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING, WHY DON’T YOU HELP YOUR NEIGHBOR?

A 90-year-old widow is facing eviction from the home she has lived in for 70 years after neighbors complained about its condition. Marie Louise Sikorski has built up thousands of dollars in violations in her Sarasota, Florida, property she has lived in since it was built 1952. Two years ago her neighbors started to complain the house had fallen into disrepair and the standoff has continued since. Sikorski is now struggling to pay off the fines which have hit almost $500 a day, 14 years after her Air Force veteran husband died.  These don’t include the property taxes or the fee she needs to retain her attorney. She only has $1,000 a month to live off, so others living near her have tried to help.

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Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS A HACKER, HONEST.

Linda Storm Sorenson is a Colorado Republican and recently, her Facebook page said she “shared John Frank Pelicano’s photo”:

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Daaaammnnnnn. That is pretty, old-timey racist there. Linda Storm Sorenson is the chairwoman of the Delta County (Colorado) Republican Party and this isn’t a good look. I mean, it seems to be a good look for the Republican Party’s racist and anti-semitic presidential candidate—but in general it’s one of those things you say behind closed doors, right? The DCRCC has jumped to action, blaming this meme situation on…hackers. “This whole thing is a hoax. Someone got into the Facebook somehow,” said Vic Ullrey, vice chairman of the committee. “It was hacked and somebody got into it, definitely.” When asked why Sorenson was the specific target of the alleged hacking — possibly a federal crime, if true — Ullrey said, “I have no idea,” later adding, “Just to damage the Republican Party, no doubt. … Just to make us look bad,”

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Boner Candidate #3: SCIENTIST RUSH LIMBAUGH

Rush Limbaugh seems to think that Harambe, the gorilla shot and killed at the Cincinnati Zoo over the weekend after a young boy fell into the enclosure, is proof against evolution. “A lot of people think that all of us used to be apes,” the right-wing radio host said on his show Tuesday, according to a transcript on his website and audio posted online by Media Matters (above).“Don’t doubt me on this. A lot of people think that all of us used to be gorillas, and they’re looking for the missing link out there. The evolution crowd. They think we were originally apes… If we were the original apes, then how come Harambe is still an ape, and how come he didn’t become one of us?” Limbaugh has not explicitly described himself as a creationist, and even said in 2010 that “clearly things evolve.”

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