Boners

Boner Candidates June 13, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I TOLD YOU SO

Donald Trump took to social media on Sunday to congratulate himself just hours after a gunman attacked a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida, leaving 50 dead and 53 injured. With reports swirling that suspected shooter Omar Mateen may have had ties to Islamic extremism, Trump wanted to make clear the significance of that development: He was right. Almost an hour later, he posted a similar message to Facebook for good measure. In December, following a mass shooting by a Muslim husband and wife in San Bernardino, California, Trump called for a ban on all Muslims entering the United States. Trump has since walked that proposal back, calling it a “suggestion,” but maintained that we have to “find out what’s going on” with regard to radical Islam. His supporters have apparently wasted no time telling him that the massacre in Orlando is further proof that he was right to call attention to Islamic terrorism, even if his proposed Muslim ban would have had no effect in this case.

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Boner Candidate #2: REAP WHAT YOU SOW

The office of Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick, a Republican and evangelical Christian, on Sunday deleted a tweet many saw as offensive and insensitive that was sent out shortly after the deadly attack on a gay nightclub in Florida. “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows,” read the Bible verse Patrick sent out on his official Twitter account a few hours after the worst mass shooting in U.S. history that left at least 50 dead. His office was not immediately available for comment but has told local media, including the Dallas Morning News, that the tweet had been scheduled for release well before the shooting. The office, which regularly sends out a Bible verse on Sundays, has since deleted it and replaced with another passage, they said.

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Boner Candidate #3: IT’S OBAMA’S FAULT

While Orlando police and the FBI are working to piece together what actually motivated Omar Mateen to murder 50 people and injure 53 more at a gay nightclub in Orlando this morning, Fox News has apparently already solved the puzzle. So why was Mateen able to slaughter a room full of innocent people with a deadly assault rifle? According to Fox News commentator Sebastian Gorka, it’s all thanks to President Obama, Hillary Clinton, and political correctness. Gorka, who is the Distinguished Chair of Military Theory at the Marine Corps University, came on as Fox News’ resident counterterrorism expert. When asked how he “sees it” by Fox News host Maria Bartiromo, Gorka went off: “Maria, we need to stop using words like shocking…”

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