Boners

Boner Candidates June 23, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: YEP. HUMAN ERROR. REALLY STUPID HUMAN ERROR.

A review is underway at the District’s Pre-Trial Services agency after a GPS monitoring device was incorrectly placed on a man’s prosthetic leg. That man, 34-year-old Quincy Green, took off his leg and committed a murder. Dana Hamilton was shot to death on Southern Avenue last month and police had no suspects for six days until someone dropped a dime on Green. He was fitted with the GPS device after he had been arrested for carrying a pistol without a license. After receiving the tip on Green, police checked camera footage from the surrounding area and according to a nine page affidavit the gunman was spotted, with an obvious limp. Authorities filed a search warrant and inside Green’s residence officials recovered a box from the living room, inside the box was a prosthetic leg with a GPS tracking device. A device record showed that it had barely moved in a 72 hour period.

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Boner Candidate #2: UTAH SCHOOL BOARD CANDIDATE ADVOCATES CASTRATION

Depending on the outcome of Utah Board of Education races this year, schools might want to beef up their metal detectors and security details whenever a board member pays a visit. Not only guns should be a concern, but also pocketknives, box cutters and nail clippers. David Sharette, a candidate for the state board in District 8 in Salt Lake County, is steeped in the charter school culture. His mother, Carolyn Sharette, was one of the early founders of charter schools in Utah and now runs several. His uncle, Howard Headlee, was also involved in establishing charters and now heads the state Charter School Board. Both backed the voucher movement a decade ago that sought to give tax credits for parents enrolling their children in private schools. Here’s what David Sharette posted on his Facebook page — since taken down — after President Barack Obama’s executive order that schools allow students to use restrooms consistent with their gender identity: “If I see or hear about a man going into a restroom with my wife or daughter, I’ll make sure he comes out a woman.”

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Boner Candidate #3: MAKE AMERICA WHITE AGAIN

Rick Tyler, an independent Congressional candidate for Tennessee’s 3rd district, is facing a boycott of his restaurant business after he advertised his candidacy with racist billboard messages like “Make America White Again.” In a Facebook post on Tuesday, Tennessee resident Amy Hines Woody expressed her outrage by posting a photo of the “Make America White Again” sign, WTVC reported. “This disgusting bunch of bigotry was erected about 20 minutes from our house,” she wrote, noting that Tyler owned Whitewater Grill in Ocoee. “Please, if you are the decent and loving people I know you to be, boycott this business.” Tyler also suggests that his billboard is based on Donald Trump’s “Make America Great Again” slogan. “Of great significance, as well, is the reality of the Trump phenomenon and the manner in which he has loosened up the overall spectrum of political discourse,” he noted. “The Make America White Again billboard advertisement will cut to the very core and marrow of what plagues us as a nation.” A second sign used words from Dr. Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech along with an illustration of the Confederate flag surrounding the White House.

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