Boners

Boner Candidates June 9, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: JUST SHUT UP, WILL YOU?

The former Stanford University swimmer convicted of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman expressed remorse in a statement read to the court ahead of his sentencing — but blamed his actions entirely on alcohol, insisting he never meant to harm anyone. “I made a mistake, I drank too much, and my decisions hurt someone,” Brock Turner, 20, wrote in a letter to California Judge Aaron Persky, who sentenced the former student to six months in county jail last week. “But I never ever meant to intentionally hurt [redacted]. My poor decision making and excessive drinking hurt someone that night and I wish I could just take it all back.” Turner also complained about his life being changed “forever” — and said he never wants “a drop of alcohol again.” “I never want to attend a social gathering that involves alcohol or any situation where people make decisions based on the substances they have consumed,” he said in the report obtained by The Guardian.

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Boner Candidate #2: GAYS AT HOME? NO SCHOOL FOR YOU.

Trinity Academy, a Christian prep school in Wichita, Kansas, has come under fire over a “statement of understanding” it sends to potential applicants in which it makes clear the school can expel students who come from homes that ‘promote’ the “LGBT lifestyle.” That statement was broadly interpreted to mean that a student could be expelled from Trinity simply for having a sibling who identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.
The document leaked by Trinity alumni reads:

Given the debate and confusion in our society about marriage and human sexuality it is vital that Trinity families agree with and support the school’s traditional, Christian understanding of those issues. Therefore, when the atmosphere or conduct within a particular home is counter to the school’s understanding of a biblical lifestyle, including the practice or promotion of the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) lifestyle or alternative gender identity, the school should have the right, in its sole discretion, to deny the admission of an applicant or discontinue enrollment of a current student.”

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Boner Candidate #3: BIKE RIDING IS SO PROVOCATIVE.

An ultra-orthodox Jewish leader has reportedly banned girls aged five and older in some areas of Israel from riding bicycles – claiming it is “immodest”. The rabbi of the Jerusalem neighbourhood of Nahloat distributed the stringent decree to his followers in synagogues across the area. He had said young girls riding bicycles could “cause serious damage to their modesty” and that bicycle seats caused young girls to sit in a way men found “provocative”, according to the Arutz Sheva 7 website. The ruling said: “We inform parents that they are obligated to forbid their daughters from age five and up from acting in this illegitimate way.” Those affected by the ruling are members of the ultra-orthodox Haredi branch of Judaism. In December ultra-orthodox rabbis requested women in Israeli city Bnei Brak refrain from studying in higher education, according to Yeshida World News website.

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