Boners

Boner Candidates May 23, 2016

BONER CANDIDATE #1: WHO WANTS TO PLAY GOLF WITH SMELLY OLD SCOTTISH GUYS ANYWAY?

Muirfield Golf Club, the site of 16 British Opens and the source of the written Rules of Golf, dating to 1744, has been stripped of the right to host the Open after voting against allowing female members. Of the 648 eligible voters, 616 cast ballots, with 64 percent in favor of admitting women. The resolution fell short of the two-thirds majority required to pass. Muirfield, which has been in Gullane, Scotland, about 20 miles northeast of Edinburgh, since 1891, is run by the Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers. It is one of two clubs among the 10 in the British Open rotation to exclude women.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: NO HAIRY GRADUATES

A student says his beard cost him the chance to walk across the stage for his high school graduation, despite being the valedictorian. The “Student of the Year” at a Louisiana High School was not allowed to get his diploma at the graduation this week after running afoul of the district’s policy against student facial hair. Senior Andrew Jones wore a beard all year at Amite High School and it never stopped him from earning As in all his classes, excelling in sports, or being awarded a college scholarship, Fox 8 New Orleans reports. The commencement was Wednesday night and when Jones arrived beforehand he was stunned to learn that he wouldn’t be allowed to go up on the stage with the beard, according to the station.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: THE OTHER PATRONS FEEL THREATENED BY YOUR BOOBS

A woman says that she feels humiliated after staff members at her fitness club told her that her breasts were too large for the tank top she was wearing. Rose Nickels belongs to the Movati Athletic Club in Ontario and said that the incident happened over the weekend. Nickels said that she was told by a supervisor at the athletic center that her tank top was inappropriate and offensive to staff and members of the gym. She said she was told her that due to her breast size she would not be permitted to wear a tank top. She said that while the gym does have a dress code stating only appropriate attire and modest clothing be worn, her outfit was no different than many others being worn.

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