Boners

Boner Candidates September 19, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: SOMEONE IN MY SPECIES DID THIS.

A young Cooper’s hawk whose wings had been clipped illegally is recovering at a Utah wildlife rescue facility. It was discovered weakened and flightless Monday in an affluent hillside subdivision above Bountiful. The male bird, dubbed Edward by its rescuers, is expected to survive, but it may never be able to be returned to the wild, according to HawkWatch International’s Joseph Dane. “The hawk’s flight feathers will eventually regrow, but not in time to make its migration to its wintering grounds,” Dane said. “Additionally, because of its captivity, this young bird may not learn how to properly forage for itself and [may] become a ‘human imprint.’ ” He suspects that the perpetrator had illegally captured the hawk as a pet and had cut the feathers so it wouldn’t fly away. The bird is recovering at Wildlife Rehabilitation Center of Northern Utah, a nonprofit based in Ogden.

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Boner Candidate #2: DON’T OPEN THE FREEZER

A North Carolina woman sought after her mother’s corpse was found in a freezer sold at a yard sale has been arrested, Goldsboro police said Friday. Marcella Jean Lee, 56, was arrested Thursday in Carolina Beach, about 100 miles south of Goldsboro, on a felony charge of failure to report a death, police said. She had been sought for more than three months after a neighbor reported finding the remains of Lee’s mother, 75-year-old Arma Roush. Roush lived with Lee and was last seen in August 2015. An autopsy found no signs of foul play in Roush’s death. Police said a neighbor bought Lee’s freezer for $30 in the spring. According to authorities, itt was taped shut and Lee told the neighbor not to open the freezer, which she referred to as a time capsule, until church members could come and collect the contents inside.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE LOWEST OF THE LOW

Police are calling it the “lowest of the low:” A man gave a fake $50 bill to a southeastern Michigan girl who was running a lemonade stand to raise money for Alzheimer’s disease research. The Monroe News says the man on a bike didn’t buy anything last Sunday in Monroe. He presented a note that said he was deaf and wanted to break the $50 bill into smaller bills. Maya Leachman says she was a “little mad” over the incident. She and her mother didn’t look closely at the phony bill until they counted donations later that day.

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