Boner of the Day

Boner Fight for May 13th, 2020

BONER CANDIDATE #1:THE END ALL, BE ALL, RAND PAUL

Sen. Rand Paul tangled with the nation’s foremost COVID-19 public health expert during a Senate committee hearing Tuesday over sending kids back to school and reopening the economy. Speaking during a meeting of the Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions, Paul, R-Ky., said it is “ridiculous” to have a national strategy of not sending kids back to school in the fall and attacked Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. Paul said that the COVID-19 mortality rate of children is much lower than adults, and he pointed to Sweden, which has kept schools open for children under 16 and is outside the top 10 countries in the world for COVID-19 deaths per capita. Sweden does, however, have the largest number of COVID-19 cases and fatalities in Scandinavia. “If we keep kids out of school for another year, what’s going to happen is the poor and underprivileged kids who don’t have a parent that’s able to teach them at home are not going to learn for a full year,” Paul said.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2:DOES COVID SMELL LIKE FABREEZE?

Two Florida teenagers busted for “running around Walmart coughing” and spraying workers and customers with Febreze told cops they were “just trying to be funny and make their videos for YouTube,” according to an arrest affidavit. Responding Saturday evening to a report of disturbance at Walmart, cops located two suspects who had driven away from the Vero Beach business in a pickup truck. The suspects–Amos Troublefield and Antonio Green, both 18-were captured on store surveillance footage “recording themselves coughing” while spraying Febreze from under their armpits “onto customers in the store.” The spraying of air freshener on a victim was apparently intended to replicate the expulsion of droplets from a mouth during a cough. When questioned, Troublefield and Green told police that they were recording a YouTube video depicting them “pretending to cough on somebody but actually spraying them with Febreze.” When a cop asked the teens why they “would be coughing on people during a pandemic (COVID-19) they advised they were just trying to be funny and make their videos for YouTube.”

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