Boners

Boner Preview Candidates April 14, 2016

Boner Preview Candidate #1 WE HAVE DIFFERENT TEACHING TECHNIQUES IN EUROPE

High school pupils filmed their teacher flashing her bra and performing a bizarre striptease in class. The blonde’s “sexy” dance has been shared thousands of times on Whatsapp and social media. The video is believed to have been taken at Gramsci Keynes Institute in Prato, Tuscany, and has caused outrage among bosses and parents. Local media say the dancing woman was an IT teacher, but did not reveal her identity. In the short clip, she yanks up her black top to reveal her white bra. She then starts bouncing around and dancing as pupils film her.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: SELF ABUSE AFFECTS EVERYBODY IN DIFFERENT WAYS

A Florida man accused of vandalizing a home told deputies that he had listened to too much music and masturbated too much, which caused him to feel like “going out and destroying stuff.” Largo police officers responded to a home at 2066 N. Belcher Rd. around 2 p.m. on April 8 after someone reported seeing a man smashing a mailbox. When police arrived at the home, they say they found William Timothy Anderson Thomas, 25 on the property, shirtless and covered in dirt.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: HE WASN’T GONNA USE IT

A New Mexico paramedic stole a debit card from a man getting treatment and used it to spend more than $11,000 after the patient died, authorities said. Police arrested Michael John Harcharik this week after Allan Pearson’s daughter noticed multiple transactions on her father’s account, including cash withdrawals and purchases of a riding lawn mower, boots, dog food and car parts. Police believe Harcharik stole the card when paramedics went to Pearson’s Santa Fe home after he was found unresponsive March 25.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: HARVARD RAPE CLUBS

Sexual assault is a widespread problem at Harvard. But one prominent alum bizarrely argued this week that allowing women to join historically all-male clubs on campus would put them in even more danger. Charles M. Storey, the graduate club president of The Porcellian, a 225-year-old “final club,” protested the administration’s ongoing push to make single-gender clubs more inclusive in a statement to The Harvard Crimson.

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: WHAT COULD HAVE MADE THOSE BROWN FINGER PRINTS?

A takeaway chef wiped his bottom using his hands before preparing food because he does not use toilet paper for ‘cultural reasons’, a court heard. Mahbub Chowdhury, 46, from Swindon, was found to have a filthy bottle in the kitchen of Yeahya Flavour of Asia, which inspectors concluded was covered in faecal matter. When questioned, he said he filled the empty milk bottle with water from the kitchen taps before using it to clean his backside after going to the toilet.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: WELL WE SCARED ‘EM DIDNT WE?

The case of two people dressed as clowns accused of attacking a teenage girl and her mother with vibrating sex toys in the parking lot of a Montgomery haunted house has been settled out of court, according to Kane County court records. The terms of the settlement were not disclosed, and the haunted house operators did not admit to any wrongdoing. An Oswego woman filed a civil lawsuit in October 2014 in Kane County against Massacre Haunted House and two employees, Robert Keller and another male identified only as John Doe, alleging that an experience in the parking lot of the Montgomery attraction left her daughter with emotional and psychological injuries.

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