Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for October 3, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: COLOR WARS

Officials at a Montana high school say two students were told to change out of shirts that said “White Power” on the front of one and “Redneck” with a picture of the Confederate battle flag on the other. Handwritten on the back of the shirts was “Trump 2016 White Pride.” The Missoulian reports the Polson High School students wore the shirts Thursday during a homecoming activity called “Color Wars,” in which each class dresses in a different color. The two juniors were on the white team. Superintendent Rex Weltz says the students changed clothing when asked.

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Boner Candidate #2: GO GET EM MIA

Republican Congresswoman Mia Love’s campaign is running an ad claiming Democratic challenger Doug Owens is hiding his liberal leanings by contributing money to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama using his first name, “Henry.” You can watch the ad in the video above, along with our fact check. The ad is pretty easy to check. Doug Owens did give the money in 2007 and 2008, and he did sign his name Henry. Those are clear facts.

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Boner Candidate #3: WHAT YOU CALL LEWDNESS I CALL A FASHION STATEMENT

Police say a 59-year-old man who wore a bikini fashioned out of see-through plastic wrap on a New Jersey beach is facing a criminal charge. They say Stephen Wojciehowski spent two days on a Long Beach Island beach wearing a homemade bikini in which his genitals were clearly exposed and was charged with lewdness.

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Boner Candidate #4: TRYIN TO IMPRESS THE BOY

Police say a 44-year-old man told investigators he stole more than dozen cars from dealerships and auto detailing shops to gain the respect of his meth-addicted son.

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Boner Candidate #5: NO SNACK WITHOUT A SMACK

Officials in Kentucky are monitoring a day care center after an investigation found that employees required children to be hit before they could get a snack. Citing an Office of Inspector General report, media outlets say two male workers at New Creation Childcare in Lexington made children line up and get hit on the legs or hands with a ruler to get some yogurt. At least two children had noticeable bruising as a result of playing “smack for a snack.”

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Boner Candidate #6: WE’RE STAYING MARRIED BY GOD

A 68-year old man from Miami’s Golden Beach neighborhood has reportedly had a ‘terrible shock’ after discovering his new bride, a 24-year old woman from Jacksonville, is actually his own biological granddaughter. The couple, who have only been married for three months, made the discovery while looking through a photo album belonging to the 68-year old, who has requested that both he and his partner not be named by the media. In the album were photos of the 68-year old’s children from his first marriage, and one of them was the bride’s own father.

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