Boner of the Day

Boner Preview Candidates March 15, 2016

Boner Preview Candidate #1: IT’S PRONOUNCED “AH-NAL. DR. AH-NAL.”

A Swedish doctor has been shown the back door following his use of wildly inappropriate massages to treat common medical conditions, such as headaches and back pain. Sweden’s Medical Board of Responsibility last week revoked the medical license of the quack, dubbed “Doctor Anal” by the Danish press, after years of warning him about his unconventional treatments. The unnamed doc claimed to have attained “very good results” with the massages, performing up to 1,000 rubs a session, according to The Local.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: WHEN YOU GOTTA SHOOT UP, YOU GOTTA SHOOT UP

A man was busted on charges of using the public restroom in the lobby of a Florida police station to shoot heroin. Samuel Alicea, 35, entered the Lakeland Police Department to utilize the bathroom near the front desk around 8 a.m. Friday, Fox 35 Orlando reported. A desk officer heard a loud thump coming from the restroom. The officer knocked on the locked door and yelled out without getting a response, the station reported.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: I AM COUNT VON BISMARK. WHY MUST I COME TO YOUR COURT?

The firstborn son of Germany’s Prince Ferdinand was a no-show Monday at Manhattan Family Court, leaving his countess ex-wife cooling her heels — and no closer to collecting on the $2.5 million she says he owes in child support. “So far, he’s paid zero, zero, zero,” Countess Nathalie von Bismarck, who lives in Manhattan with the couple’s two young children, said outside the courtroom.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: HOW DO THESE THINGS GET PASSED OFF TO THE PUBLIC?

Forever 21 has pulled a controversial t-shirt after getting a huge backlash from consumers who called the gear “shameful” and “rapey.” The graphic tee featured a slogan that seemingly referred to sexual consent: “Don’t Say Maybe If You Want To Say No.” The Internet response was overwhelmingly negative, with Twitter users accusing Forever 21 of cracking jokes at the expense of rape victims.

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: GOOD CLEAN SPORTSMANSHIP

Students and administrators at a Boston-area Catholic school had to apologize after dozens of its fans chanted “You killed Jesus” during a basketball game against a school with a large number of Jewish students on Friday, the Washington Post reports. Some Jewish attendees at the division title game between Catholic Memorial School and Newtown North High School were alarmed by the chant.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: LOOK IF YOU’RE GONNA ROB THE PEOPLE, JUST ROB THEM.

A man is accused of using duct tape to bind a Clinton woman and a 10­ year ­old child to chairs during a robbery at their home in October. The man and two other people were wearing black clothing and had painted their faces black when they went into the home Oct. 25, investigators wrote in charges filed Monday. The three assailants were carrying baseball bats because they intended to attack a man who lives there, officers wrote.

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