Boners

Boner Preview Candidates March 17, 2016

Boner Preview Candidate #1: SURE HE ROBBED A CHURCH…BUT JUST ARREST HIM FOR LOOKING CREEPY

Tangipahoa Parish sheriff’s deputies arrested a Tickfaw man and recovered property they say he stole from a Pentecostal church. Brett Gonzales, 22, was booked Tuesday (March 15) with burglary of a religious building. The Little River United Pentecostal Church on Louisiana 442 in Tickfaw was burglarized earlier this month. Detectives received information that led to the arrest of Gonzales, who lives on Woodhaven Road, and he admitted burglarizing the church, the Sheriff’s Office said.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: WHAT IS THIS ALPHABET YOU SPEAK OF?

A Cleveland Heights man, 74, was arrested March 9 for operating a vehicle while impaired after he rear-ended another vehicle in the drive thru lane at Panda Express. The driver of the other vehicle said the man accelerated to close the gap in between their cars because he was trying to prevent another vehicle from passing between them to leave the parking lot. During sobriety tests the man refused to recite the alphabet because he said he was unfamiliar with it.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: DENVER COPS KNOW HOW TO GET THE BABES

Denver Police officers caught using a confidential database for personal reasons should face stiffer penalties, the city’s independent monitor argued in a report released Tuesday. The report, which reviewed both the Denver Police and the Denver Sheriff Department’s performance for 2015, found several instances of officers abusing both the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) and it’s state counterpart, the Colorado Crime Information Center (CCIC). Independent Monitor Nicholas Mitchell said in the report that he believes the penalties for those caught aren’t stiff enough to deter further abuse.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: I GUESS THE GOOD NEWS IS THEY DECIDED NOT TO DRIVE

Heber City Police arrested two people for multiple drug charges after they were discovered passed out inside a vehicle parked in the driveway of a home, according to police. Police were tipped off to the suspected drug dealers by a couple who was taking out their garbage and called dispatch after spotting a suspicious car in their driveway, according to court documents. When the couple looked into the car, they saw two people passed out inside, according to police.

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: THE SHERIFF SAYS MOST OF THAT RAPE STUFF IS CONSENSUAL SEX

An Idaho sheriff says the Legislature shouldn’t have gotten involved in creating a statewide system for collecting and tracking rape kits because many rape accusations are false. The state lawmaker who introduced the bill immediately denounced the comments. Bingham County Sheriff Craig Rowland made the comments Monday to Idaho Falls TV station KIDK before lawmakers unanimously approved the new system and sent the measure to the governor.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: PARDONEZ MOI….I DID NOT WIN ZEE LOTTERY? ZOOT ALOR!

A French woman who thought she won the lottery jackpot racked up thousands in bills when she went on a shopping spree to celebrate, only to learn her ticket was off by a digit. The 46-year-old mom then had to sheepishly explain her spendthrift ways to court after cops arrested her for fraud, having bounced cheques all over the Haut-Doubs region of France. According to newspaper L’Est Republicain, which did not name the woman, her husband was worried the lottery company was slow in sending his wife the winnings, so he rechecked her ticket.

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