Boners

Boner Preview May 5, 2016

BONER CANDIDATE#1: JUST A ROOKIE MISTAKE

A 16-year-old boy’s plan to rob a pot dealer went awry Friday when he accidentally shot himself in the groin, court documents say. Police responded to a 9:18 p.m. 911 report of someone screaming that they had shot themselves at 9330 59th Ave. SE in Lakewood, Wash., the records state. Officers found the teenager with a gunshot wound through his left groin and left buttocks, and a robber mask nearby.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: I WON’T TOW A DISABLED COMMUNIST’S CAR..NO WAY.

When 25-year-old Cassandra McWade got in a car accident on a highway in Asheville, North Carolina, on Monday, Ken Shupe drove his tow truck to the scene. But when he saw that McWade, who has disabilities, had Bernie Sanders signs on her Toyota Camry, he decided he wouldn’t help. “He said, ‘I can’t tow you … you’re a Bernie supporter,’” McWade recalled. “I was like, ‘Wait, are you serious? You’re kidding me.’”

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: STICK WITH YOUR OWN KIND

A simple ad for Old Navy stores has turned into a snapshot of the extremes of race relations in the United States, fueling both an outburst of bigotry and a powerful reaction against it. Last Friday, Old Navy posted the ad to Twitter, promoting a sale with a photo of an attractive, happy interracial family in an embrace. Within hours, a backlash was apparent, with hashtags like #BoycottOldNavy and #WhiteGenocide, and messages like “Stop promoting race mixing, you degenerates,” and “I don’t shop at stores that are anti-White and promote race mixing.”

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BONER CANDIDATE #4: FOUND A PEANUT JUST NOW.

A California couple said they were kicked off their flight out of Provo after telling a flight attendant their son has a peanut allergy. Kyson and Sara Dana said they were flying out of Provo Monday afternoon and were heading to Oakland, California. The couple and their two-year old son, Theo, call the Bay Area home. In a Skype interview on Wednesday, Kyson Dana said as they stepped through the door, his wife alerted the flight attendant to Theo’s allergy.

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BONER CANDIDATE #5: WHEN SEX IS JUST TOO LOUD.

A Pennsylvania woman says her family put up with the neighbor from hell for two years and “should have started calling the police a year ago.” On March 21, Red Lion police were indeed called and responded to reports that the neighbor, 25-year-old Amanda Marie Warfel, was “loudly fornicating and banging around her bedroom to the degree that the [victim’s] dresser and her own bed shook,” per an affidavit of probable cause.

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BONER CANDIDATE #6: FIDDY IS SORRY, REALLY HE IS

Rapper 50 Cent is no stranger to controversy and now an encounter with a contract worker at the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport has created a firestorm online. He followed the worker and posted the video online, complete with speculation the young man might be on drugs. But the truth turned out to be much different. Disturbing, appalling, just flat out sick; that was how the parents of Andrew Farrell described the video that showed rapper 50 Cent harassing their son.

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