ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: IMPROVEMENTS ARE NEEDED
Boner Candidate #2: YEAH DON, PRETTY COOL.
Based on this previous meme, we already knew Donald Trump Jr. has been watching Tiger King on Netflix. The show, of course, follows Joe Exotic, the gay big cat enthusiast serving a 22-year sentence in a federal prison in Texas. Donald Trump Jr. seems to see him as something of a role model; it’s more than a bit bizarre, and it just gets weirder and weirder. Exotic was found guilty of 17 charges of animal abuse and two counts of murder for hire for attempting to take out his nemesis, Carole Baskin.
Boner Candidate #3: COVID LITTER BUGS
People are increasingly wearing gloves and masks in public, in order to protect themselves and reduce the spread of COVID-19. Apparently, though, those gloves and masks need to come with proper disposal directions. Everywhere you look in America, it seems, there are discarded gloves and masks in streets and parking lots, left behind by people who couldn’t be bothered to find a nearby trash bin. In Los Angeles, they’re scattered in parking lots of markets like Whole Foods, waiting for some already-exhausted employee to have to pick them up. They’re tossed aside in parking lots in Orlando, Florida, too. In Charlottesville, Virginia, local meteorologist David Reese found multiple pairs of gloves in the parking lot of his local Kroger. In New England, someone abandoned their gloves in a cart at Costco, leaving an employee to fish them out and sanitize the cart before it could be used again. It got so bad in New York City over the weekend, that Ryan McKenzie, a restauranteur who lives in Manhattan, began cleaning it up.
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: IT’S LIKE BEING IN JAIL; A REALLY NICE JAIL.
Boner Candidate #2: WRECKED IT GOOD
A millionaire luxury car owner wrecked his $750,000 Porsche Mirage GT supercar while speeding around the deserted streets of Manhattan while allegedly high on drugs. Benjamin Chen, 33, lost control of the ultra-rare super car at 7.30 am on Tuesday and plowed into a parked car. Several stunned New Yorkers looked on as Chen tried to drive the car away despite heavy damage to the body and tires. Eventually police arrived and Chen was arrested and charged with reckless driving and driving under the influence of drugs. Chen is a wealthy luxury car enthusiasts and started the Gold Rush Rally – a luxury rally across America that is known for its accidents – and has filmed himself driving at 246mph in a Bugatti Veyron.
Boner Candidate #3: UPSIDE THE HEAD
BATTLE CREEK, MI – A Michigan man was allegedly assaulted after he mocked another man who was using thong underwear as a coronavirus mask. The Battle Creek Enquirer reports the bizarre incident occurred in a home on Lakefront Drive in Battle Creek around 7 p.m. on Monday. The 57-year-old victim told the suspect it looked like the thongs laying around the victim’s house, which upset the suspect. A warrant is being sought for the 47-year-old suspect who allegedly returned to the victim’s house 45 minutes after the initial confrontation, struck the victim in the side of the head and kicked him in the ribs, the newspaper reported.
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