Boners

Boners (Round One and Two) for March 9th, 2017

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: OH, HIS FIRST BONG.

AN ADELAIDE mother who filmed herself encouraging her 11-year-old son to smoke his “first bong” has sentenced to nine months in jail. The 29-year-old woman from Whyalla, whose identity has been suppressed, gave her young son a marijuana pipe and filmed as he breathed in the smoke in the disturbing video. The footage was uploaded to Facebook and went viral last August. “Here we are recording [name omitted] having his very first bong,” the woman can be heard saying as she films the boy holding the bong. She then tells her son to “go for it” and he is seen lighting up the device and breathing in as smoke fills the air.

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Boner Candidate #2: I AM IN MY OWN COUNTRY.

A California college faculty member is facing backlash after she was caught on video telling an Asian-American man and his family to go back to their “home country.” Tarin Olson is on leave from her career counseling position at Golden West College in Huntington Beach for the next two weeks, a spokeswoman for the Coast Community College District told HuffPost. The district said it is reviewing Olson’s past interactions with students and staff and determining what actions to take next. “Administrators are working diligently to find a resolution to this issue and communicate to the community that the sentiments of Tarin Olson do not represent the values of Golden West College,” spokeswoman Letitia Clark wrote in an email. Clark did not specify whether Olson was placed on leave or whether the leave was voluntary, saying that she couldn’t offer details because “this is a personnel matter.”

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Boner Candidate #3: Mmmmm. IS THIS ONE OF THOSE FLAVORED WATERS?

A Minnesota restaurant worker is accused of urinating in a co-worker’s water bottle after the woman rejected his advances. Prosecutors charged 47-year-old Conrrado Cruz Perez of Minneapolis with adulterating a substance with bodily fluids. The St. Paul Pioneer Press reports deputies were called to the restaurant in Vadnais Heights in October after an employee reported a baker was harassing her. According to the complaint, the woman noticed several times that the water bottle she keeps at work tasted like urine.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: THAT’S MY MOM’S DRESS, BUT THAT’S NOT MY MOM.

At this bungling Manhattan mortuary, it’s the staff that’s brain-dead, angry customers claim. In just a few hours on Sunday the R.G. Ortiz Funeral Home botched four services — causing extra pain for grieving families, including one that was presented a casket with the wrong person inside. “It was another woman in my mother’s dress,” said Miguel Paulino Castro, 57. “I was in disbelief.” The former corrections officer from The Bronx said that the other woman’s remains — which were clad in an outfit the family picked out for his late 79-year-old mom Maria — appeared not to have been embalmed and were in the early stages of decomposition. The shocking blunder was revealed after the remains were delivered three hours late from another funeral home in The Bronx.

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Boner Candidate #2: HE’S A WALKING SCANDAL

The Interior Department spent $138,670 on a door at Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke’s office, according to records first uncovered by The Associated Press and reviewed by HuffPost. The department awarded the contract to Conquest Solutions LLC, a Greenbelt, Maryland-based company that specializes in automation systems. A contract summary available online lists the purchase as “Secretary’s Door.” Conquest Solutions could not be reached for comment late Thursday. The Interior Department did not immediately respond to HuffPost’s request for comment Thursday. However, department spokeswoman Heather Swift did confirm the purchase to the AP, saying that Zinke was not aware of the contract and that the purchase is part of a long-running modernization of the historic headquarters building in Washington, D.C.

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Boner Candidate #3: WILL THESE JERKS NEVER GIVE UP?

Marine officials said language on the altered sign contradicts the organization’s core values. U.S. Marines attending a weekend showing of “Black Panther” at their base in Okinawa, Japan, were confronted with a  theater marquee showing a racist slur instead of the movie’s title. Military officials were investigating how someone gained access to the theater roof at Camp Hansen before Sunday afternoon’s show and changed the sign, according to the military newspaper Stars & Stripes. The slur has since been removed. A photo of the marquee was posted on Facebook with some of the letters on the offending word blocked out.

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