Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for November 27th, 2018

ROUND ONE

BONER CANDIDATE #1: HE ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH THAT PING PONG PADDLE.

A man in Oregon who led police on chase through the streets of Happy Valley, ended up with a broken leg after he jumped out of a rolling car and was hit by his still-rolling vehicle. The Clackamas County Sheriff’s office said a Happy Valley patrol officer responded to a call about a theft in progress Monday night, when he spotted suspect Isaiah John Gellatly, 31, inside a parked Honda Accord lying back in the fully-reclined driver’s seat. Officers approached the vehicle and shined a light into the Honda. That’s when the driver sat up, put the car in drive, and took off. Police began to chase after Gellatly, radioing ahead for assistance.  “He repeatedly blew through stop signs and crossed over into the opposing lane of traffic during the high-speed pursuit,” according to a police statement about the incident Monday night.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: I’M A TERRORIST OF LOVE

A passenger on an Indian airline was kicked off the flight after he was caught tying a handkerchief around his face to make a terrorist joke on Snapchat. Yogvedant Poddar was detained by police after another passenger told the crew he had sent a message including the words “terrorist” and “destroy”. The caption of the image he sent via Snapchat said: “Terrorist on flight, I destroy women’s hearts”. Mr Poddar’s prank backfired during the Jet Airways flight from Kolkata to Mumbai on Monday morning. The plane was taxiing along the runway and ready to take off when passengers who had seen his Snapchat message informed air stewards.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: I WAS JUST FOLLOWING THE GPS

A driver trusted her GPS — and ended up on the fast track to possible disaster. The woman, from the Allegheny County borough of Sewickley, drove her car onto train tracks in Pennsylvania last week all because her device told her to, police said. Officers with the Duquesne Police Department were dispatched to a vehicle on the railroad tracks at Grant Avenue and State Route 837, the department said. The cops then learned that the woman took the dangerous route because her “GPS advised her to go this way.” “The female was 100% sober and had no medical conditions affecting her decision-making,” the Duquesne Police Department wrote in a post on Facebook. Her car was then towed from the scene and she was cited for careless driving, cops said.

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ROUND TWO

BONER CANDIDATE #1: HEY WE ARE ALL HUMAN, AND ANYWAY WE’RE FROM VERMONT

A skinny-dipping couple on vacation in Florida was allegedly busted getting hot and heavy at the beach — while families were trying to cool off in the ocean, according to reports. Tiana Maranville, 26, and her husband, Alexander Maranville, 27, were arrested Saturday afternoon for indecent exposure on a Sanibel beach, news station WFXT reported. Police said they responded to outraged calls about the frisky couple around 4 p.m. and found the wife completely naked at the beach in front of children. Several witnesses told officers they saw the couple have sex in the water and they were roaming the shore naked. Tiana Maranville admitted to police that she entered the water topless, but lost her bathing suit bottom on accident, according to officials. Her husband then approached the officers and argued about the legality of swimming nude, saying to police that “we are all human,” according to WFXT.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: IT COULD BE A WHOLE NEW WORLD WITH OUT THOSE VAX DAMAGED KIDS

In a disastrous social media interaction that we can’t help but categorize as “Extremely Online,” well-known screenwriter and (alleged!) garbage human Terry Rossio has found himself facing some serious internet blowback this weekend, after deciding to use this amazing marvel of communication and technology to compare people who speak ill of anti-vaccination activists to those who might refer to a black person using a disgraceful and painful racial slur, using said slur in the process, which, cool: We actually wrote about Rossio recently, when he expressed unhappiness with the way Disney’s live-action Aladdin remake re-used some of his old script for the animated original without ever acknowledging his contribution.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: HEY PAL, AUSTRALIA IS BACK THAT WAY

A small plane overshot its destination in Australia by almost 50km (30 miles) after its pilot fell asleep in the cockpit, air safety officials say. The pilot was the only person on board the freight flight from Devonport to King Island in Tasmania on 8 November. The incident, classified as a case of “incapacitation”, is being investigated by the Australian Transport Safety Bureau (ATSB). Officials have not said how the pilot awoke before landing the plane safely. The Piper PA-31 aircraft, operated by Vortex Air, had been due to complete the 240km trip at 07:15 local time. “During the cruise, the pilot fell asleep, resulting in the aircraft overflying King Island by 46 kilometres,” the ATSB said in a brief statement.

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