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Boner Candidates for September 23, 2016

Boner Candidate #1:  MANHANDLING A MANATEE

Don’t play with the manatees, you could end up in jail. That’s what happened to a man in Islamorada when he decided to jump into the water and swim with a few of the endangered animals. According to officials from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, James Roy Massengale Jr. was charged with annoying, molesting, harassing, or disturbing a manatee on Friday afternoon. A witness told FWC officers that he spotted Massengale when he was in the water approaching two adult manatees and two calves in a creek behind the Islamorada Library around mile marker 82. Massengale reportedly told the witness, “I’m riding it!” The witness said he told him that manatees were an endangered species and it was illegal to bother them then pretended to leave the area. But still watching him, the witness say Massengale go back into the creek and re-engage with the manatees, said FWC.

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Boner Candidate #2: THAT WILL HELP THE SITUATION

Rep. Robert Pittenger (R-N.C.) said Thursday that violent protests that have rattled Charlotte, North Carolina, since police shot a black man to death this week are led by angry black people who hate and envy white people. “The grievance in their mind, the animus, the anger — they hate white people because white people are successful and they’re not,” Pittenger, in a shocking display of racism, said on BBC Newsnight. Pittenger, who once said firing gay people is a “freedom we enjoy” in America, followed up his Charlotte comment by talking about Americans’ dependence on government.  “It is a welfare state,” said Pittenger, who has represented parts of Charlotte since 2013. “We have spent trillions of dollars on welfare, but we’ve put people in bondage, so that they can’t be all that they’re capable of being. America is a country of opportunity and freedom and liberty. It didn’t become that way because of a great government who provided everything for everyone. No, the destiny of America, the freedom to come to this country ― where they’re still coming to our shores ― is because they can take their work ethic, their hard effort, and put up their capital and their risk, and build out their lives.” Pittenger’s remarks were excoriated on social media.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE BABY JUST GOT IN THE WAY

Police say a woman in Florida threw boiling water on her 2-month-old son’s father as he lay on a bed with the newborn. Gainesville police officers said Tuesday in a report that the baby suffered second- and third-degree burns to his chest and arm. The burns make up about 5 percent of his body. The baby’s father, Winsky Perpignan, had second- and third-degree burns over his face, neck, chest and arm, or about 20 percent of his body.

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