Boners

Boner Candidates for November 10th, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: A’COURSE I SHOT HIM. HE CHOMPED UP MY CHOMPERS.

According to a criminal complaint, on Tuesday deputies contacted Gillispie after a complaint of animal cruelty. Deputies say Gillispie told them he shot his dog because it chewed up his expensive dentures. When deputies arrived at Gillispie’s home on West Main Street, they say they found the small white dog dead inside a cage on the front porch. The dog was shot twice in the face and died from the injuries, according to the criminal complaint. Deputies say Gillispie told them the dog was annoying and frequently chewed up his stuff.

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Boner Candidate #2: ASIDE FROM THE ROBBERY IT WAS A NORMAL DELIVERY.

Orange County deputies are looking for a man they say stole a pregnant woman’s necklace as she walked on a sidewalk while in labor. The robbery happened about 10:30 a.m. Oct. 24 on Long Road near Point Lookout Road. It was Julienne Antoine’s due date. The Orange County woman’s necklace was taken in between contractions — and hours later, she gave birth. Now, detectives are asking for help tracking down the robber. “I just couldn’t believe it,” Antoine said. “Who robs a pregnant woman?”

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Boner Candidate #3: HE BETRAYED HIS CAUSE

After a season of high-profile protesting, San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick has revealed that he did not vote in the 2016 election. When asked if he had already voted Tuesday, Kaepernick told reporters no, according to San Francisco Chronicle reporter Eric Branch. When asked if he planned to at all, his response was the same. “To me, it didn’t really matter who went in there,” Kaepernick told reporters Wednesday. “The system still remains intact that oppresses people of color.”

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