Boners

Boner Candidates for November 23, 2016

Boner Candidate #1:THE ARGUMENTATIVE OLD BAG WAS ROLLING AWAY FROM US

An internal affairs investigation is underway into whether deputies violated any policies during an incident — caught on camera — in which a woman in a wheelchair was shocked with a taser. Sheketha Holman says she has consistently used a wheelchair ever since a lower back injury two years ago. Last Wednesday, she confronted deputies from the Harris County Sheriff’s Office during her daughter’s arrest at a gas station. That confrontation was captured on surveillance camera. Eyewitness News has obtained the video.

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Boner Candidate #2: LOOKIN’ FOR A BAG OF TACOS TO HELP ME SOBER UP

Man pulled up to window with baby in back seat, then slumped over the wheel, police say. South Salt Lake police are searching for an alleged drunken driver who, with his infant child in the back seat, nodded off in a fast food restaurant’s drive-thru lane. South Salt Lake police spokesman Gary Keller said the man had pulled up to the window of a Taco Bell restaurant at 2165 S. State St. about 7:20 p.m. Monday, and then slumped over the wheel. The manager, an employee and a customer — who happened to be a nurse — went outside to check on him. “They saw an infant, 12 to 18 months old, in a child seat in the back of the car,” Keller said Tuesday. “They also smelled alcohol and were concerned he would wake up and take off with the infant.” The trio moved quickly to unstrap the baby from the seat, and just as they cleared the vehicle the driver woke up and drove off without the child.

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Boner Candidate #3: I GOTTA GO FIND ME A STRONGER ROCK OR SUMPTHIN

A Massachusetts store owner shared security camera footage of a bungling would-be thief completely failing to break into the shop. Steven Davis, owner of 2 Debi’s in Brockton, posted security camera footage to Facebook showing the attempted break-in early Sunday morning. The video shows a man pull up to the store in a gray van, get out of the vehicle, and throw a rock at the store’s glass door from only a few feet away. The rock fails to break through the window and lands at the man’s feet. He throws the rock a second time, and this time it bounces off the door and ends up under the man’s van.

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