Boners

Boner Candidates for October 14th, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: WE UNDERSTAND THE SENTIMENT, BUT PERHAPS YOU’VE GONE A BIT TOO FAR

Like so many Americans, Florida photographer Emily Robinson was outraged at the leaked 2005 tape of Donald Trump bragging to thenAccess Hollywood host Billy Bush about grabbing women “by the p–sy.” So when her husband jokingly handed her a Trump campaigner mailer requesting donations, she sent a clump of pubic hair in the pre-addressed envelope with her letter, which read: “Dear Mr. Trump, I’m not able to mail you my actual p–sy, so I’ve included the thing best thing. Cheers, Emily.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I LEFT HER WITH A BLANKET. WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?

A man left his 5 ­year­ old daughter outside a Weber County technical college overnight, police say. A security officer at OgdenWeber Applied Technology College, 200 N. Washington Blvd., found the girl Thursday morning, said Ogden police Lt. Jake Sube. After reviewing surveillance footage, police determined that the man had left the girl with a blanket and no shoes Wednesday evening, though it’s not clear why. “She was pretty frightened,” Sube said, noting that the girl called out for her father when she was awakened. The girl suffered no injuries from the incident. The temperature, according to the National Weather Service, varied between about 45 and 50 degrees from Wednesday night to Thursday morning.

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Boner Candidate #3: HERE ARE THE TRUMP SUPPORTERS

On Thursday, former major league pitcher Curt Schilling announced to his 165,000 Twitter followers that he was planning on joining Fox Business for some political conversation at 2:00 p.m. “ET. Doing @FoxBusiness around 15 past the 2pm est hour!” Less than an hour later, Schilling tweeted this: “If intimating a young lady will grow up to be stunningly beautiful = child molestation you’re liberal and voting for a scumbag.” What in the hell could have possibly happened in the intervening 45 minutes to warrant such a follow-up? Thanks for asking! The answer is, the fervent right-winger went off the rails while talking to Fox Business’ Trish Regan about Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump’s so-called “locker room talk.”

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