Boner Candidate #1: ATTENTION WORLD LEADERS…..DON’T EAT AT MAR-A-LAGO
Unsafe seafood. Insufficiently refrigerated meats. Rusty shelving. Cooks without hairnets. Reports show Florida health inspectors dinged President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort with 13 violations in late January, days before the U.S. leader hosted Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe (shin-zoh AH’-bay) for a visit. Still, the state inspectors allowed the luxury resort’s main restaurant and beach club grill to remain open as staff scrambled to make several immediate corrections. Among the “high priority” problems described as “potentially hazardous” were faulty fridges with meats stored well above the required 41 degrees Fahrenheit. Other issues included fish being served raw or undercooked without undergoing “proper parasite destruction.” Trump is a frequent visitor to the private club he calls the Winter White House. The Trump Organization did not immediately respond to requests for comment.
Boner Candidate #2: CRAZY STUFF HAPPENS AT SOAPY’S
According to The Smoking Gun, a 57-year-old man was arrested last weekend after he allegedly walked into the St. Petersburg laundromat, took a shit on the floor and then threw it in the soap loading compartment of a commercial washing machine. Witnesses said Michael Shannon took a nasty crap around 7:40 a.m. on April 8, so they called 911. Police officers who responded to the scene said the “evidence” was still present when they arrived. After questioning Shannon about the “deuce heard ’round St. Pete,” he confessed to dropping trou, defecating on the floor, scooping it up with his bare hands and trying to use it as laundry detergent. Shannon was charged with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. Police said total damages from the incident will come in around the $475 mark unless of course nobody told the local asshole about what happened and let him use that same machine to wash his new Versace black coup de Dieu shirt.
Boner Candidate #3: LET’S NOT STOP AND WATCH THE SNAKE CHARMERS
The tourist didn’t immediately notice he had been bitten, as he is seen continuing to pose for a picture. However, a few moments later, the video shows him touching his cheek repeatedly, sensing something was wrong. He asked the snake charmer to check whether or not he had been bitten, though he was ignored while the man carried on with his demonstration for the small crowd of people. The victim began to lose consciousness just a few minutes later, MailOnline reports. He was taken to a medicine man in Jodhpur, India, rather than a hospital, and within an hour, he had tragically succumbed to the cobra’s poison. According to the University of Michigan, cobras have several methods for delivering venom to their prey. Sometimes, they spit the poison into a victim’s eyes, which can cause extreme pain and even blindness. But the most common method involves a direct bite into the victim’s body. Once a cobra’s venom spreads through the bloodstream, it can lead to paralysis, respiratory failure, cardiac arrest and then death.
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