Boners

Boner Fight for May 18th, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP SOMEONE.

“Kicking, punching, throwing it was horrible. I was honestly in shock I was like how could someone do something like that,” Graduate student Ines Almeida said. She thought she was helping protect a friend who had fallen victim to domestic violence. The Portugal native says her friend was beat up in front of the Brigham Young University- Hawaii (BYUH) fitness center on April 10th. Security cameras captured everything, however Almeida says campus security failed to respond. She says she reported the incident to school officials multiple times.

Boner Candidate #2: I KNOW SCIENCE. IT’S BIG ROCKS; LOT’S OF BIG ROCKS.

Mo Brooks is just a plain-spoken man from Alabama with some theories on climate change. Luckily, because everything is terrible, he’s a congressman and sits on the House Science, Space, and Technology Committee so he has a platform to float some of his entirely unfounded ideas like, for instance, sea levels are rising because rocks keep falling in the ocean. With climate scientist Philip Duffy on hand to testify before the committee, per E&E News, Rep. Brooks unleashed a doozy of a theory that posited erosion, the gradual diminution of land masses, could be rising the sea floor and, in turn, ocean levels. As examples to highlight his theory, the representative from Alabama pointed to rocky shorelines across the California coast and the White Cliffs of Dover along the English Channel that break off and tumble into the water every year. “All of that displaces water which forces it to rise, does it not?” Brooks asked. He also suggested that silt from rivers including the Mississippi, Amazon, and Nile could be contributing to the changing levels of the seas.

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