Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for July 17th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: BECAUSE, WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU DO?

A man who was upset with a co-worker for not covering one of his shifts was arrested after police say he drove to the co-worker’s residence, put machetes through his door and threatened to kill his family. On Sunday, about 10 a.m., Unified police were dispatched to a Midvale apartment on a report of a man with a knife.

“When other officers and I arrived, the male had put the knives, which were actually long machetes over a foot long, back in his car,” according to a Salt Lake County Jail booking report. “Before doing this, the male had stabbed the machetes through the door three times.” Detectives interviewed the people in the apartment, one of whom works with Zachariah David Martindale, 27. “Zach wanted (the victim) to cover his shift. (The victim) had told him no, this all over text messages. Zach threatened to come to (the victim’s) home and kill him and his family if he didn’t cover the shift,” the report states. When the victim again refused to cover Martindale’s shift, he drove to the victim’s residence and stabbed his door with machetes, according to the report. Martindale was arrested for investigation of aggravated assault, carrying a dangerous weapon while under the influence of alcohol, criminal mischief, having an open container in a vehicle, threat of violence and intoxication. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: CLEARLY YOUR TRAINING IS LACKING.

A security guard has pleaded Not Guilty to one charge of aggravated menacing Monday in his first court appearance since he pulled a gun on a Lucas County Sheriff’s Deputy at a local IRS office.

That deputy is still trying to wrap his head around a potentially fatal situation that arose out of what should have been a simple encounter. The deputy came to 4 Seagate to ask a question at the IRS office. A step that nearly cost him his life. As Lucas County Sheriff’s deputy Alan Gaston enters the IRS office, he’s in full uniform with his badge with his firearm visible. He was on duty May 31st but says he stopped at the office for a phone number to ask about a letter he got from the IRS. Deputy Gaston says the guard told him he needed to put his gun in his car. Gaston said he couldn’t do that. The conversation ends with a gun pointed at the deputy’s back. Gaston vividly remembers “that” moment. The whole thing caught on security cameras, as the guard follows deputy Gaston to the elevator with the gun out and it appears his finger very close to the trigger. The guard then tries to take Gaston into custody, once again with the gun drawn. Gaston and his wife have now filed a civil lawsuit against that security guard Seth Eklund and the security company seeking compensation after Gaston allegedly suffered emotion and psychological distress and lost wages.

He’s currently on medical leave from the Lucas County Sheriff’s department. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: I ALMOST GAVE HIM A BEAT DOWN.

Former Acting Immigration and Customs Enforcement Director Thomas Homan said Monday that he considered assaulting a Democratic congressman during an immigration debate last week.
At Friday’s House Oversight Committee hearing, Rep. Jesús García of Illinois slammed Homan over the family separations at the southern border, questioning whether he cared about children of color and their well-being. “If you notice, I hesitated a minute before I started yelling? Because I actually think about getting up and throwing that man a beating right there in the middle of the room because when you tell somebody that’s spent their career saving lives that I don’t care about dying children and I’m a racist, that’s where I broke and that’s where I had enough,” Homan told “Fox & Friends” on Monday. Further defending himself, Homan accused the lawmakers who challenged him of engaging in “political theater” and attempting to “push their narrative and not let me speak.” At the hearing, García took direct aim at Homan, firing off a series of questions regarding his character. ″Do you have children?” he asked. “How can you possibly allow this to happen under your watch? Do you not care? Is it because these children don’t look like children that are around you? I don’t get it. Have you ever held a deceased child in your arms?” Responding, a visibly enraged Homan called the remarks “disgusting.” Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: IT’S HOT.

A man being detained in the back of a police cruiser was hot and wanted the air conditioning turned up, so he called 911 , according to the Perkins Township Police Department. Police were investigating a domestic case when they detained a man in the back of a cruiser while they got things sorted out, police said. While in the cruiser, the man started to get uncomfortably hot and tried to get the attention of officers, according to authorities. Unable to get the attention of officers on scene, the man decided to call 911 to ask police to turn the air conditioning up in the cruiser so he could cool down, police said. Officers came to the cruiser and cranked the air for the man, making sure he was cool enough before heading back to their investigation, according to police. Police said the man was not charged with any crimes. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: MY HANDS WERE EVEN DIRTIER.

Here’s an excellent reminder to sanitize your airplane touch screen. A viral video circulating on Twitter shows a Delta passenger using his bare feet to scroll through movies on the screen in front of him. The clip was shared by New York-based author Alafair Burke, who didn’t see the atrocity happen first-hand (or first-foot). In 20 hours, the post has racked up more than 25,000 retweets and 118,000 likes. Disgust and dismay were common themes among Twitter users’ reactions. “This is the most disturbing thing I’ve seen on Twitter,” one user wrote. “I really look down on people who wipe everything down as fussy and overly concerned about germ exposure which is both unavoidable and necessary. And right now, seeing this, I realize how wrong I’ve been,” repented another. Others cracked jokes. Read More

Boner Candidate #3: HILLBILLY METH.

Police say wasp spray is now being used as an alternative form of meth in one West Virginia county, a potentially deadly substance already tied to three overdoses last week.
“We’re seeing this here on the streets in Boone County,” Sgt. Charles Sutphin told WCHS. “People are making a synthetic type methamphetamine out of wasp spray.” The local TV station reports that retailers in Boone County sold 30 cans of the insect killer last Friday alone. Ingesting the spray can cause bizarre behavior, Sutphin said, along with swollen, red hands and feet. Police are reportedly working with local poison control centers and medical experts to find an effective treatment for someone under the influence of substance. Read More

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