Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for December 6, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: DIDN’T YOU SEE THE LETTER WE SENT YOU ABOUT YOUR BLINDNESS?

A severely disabled man had his benefits cut because he didn’t respond to a letter even though he is blind. Alan Moody, 60, was declared unfit to work by his GP 10 years ago after being diagnosed with cerebellar ataxia – a rare genetic brain condition. Despite this Alan from Stanley, Co Durham was summoned to a Department for Work and Pensions ‘work capability assessment’ to qualify to receive employment and support allowance of around £450 a month.

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Boner Candidate #2: UNACCEPTABLE? KIND OF HARSH FOR A LITTLE VANDALISM.

Fort Lewis College officials say some students defaced ancient Native American ruins while on a trip to Utah. The Durango Herald reports that college spokesman Mitch Davis says a group of students was on a Fort Lewis College Outdoor Pursuits overnight trip in October when some of them wrote on the ruins using black charcoal. Photos surfaced Monday showing the words “Fort Lewis College OP 2016” written on the rock wall of Fish Mouth Cave in the Comb Ridge area near Bluff, Utah.

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Boner Candidate #3: WHAT IS THAT WHIRRING NOISE?

Police are looking for a person who they believe has been using a drone to look into people’s bedrooms and bathrooms and record video. Over the weekend, an Orem man got up early to get ready for work. “He’s in his bathroom when he hears a humming noise, and says to himself, ‘That sounds a lot like a drone,'” said Orem Police Lt. Craig Martinez. The man got into his truck and followed the drone in an attempt to find the owner. The drone landed in a church parking lot but no one claimed it, Martinez said. The man picked up the drone and called police.

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Boner Candidate #4: THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY YOU’LL BE ABLE TO KEEP SEEING YOUR KIDS.

A former New Jersey child protection worker allegedly used his position to coerce two mothers to have sex with him in an “offensive abuse” of authority, authorities said. Lamont King, 40, of Trenton, is accused of using his onetime position as an assistant family services worker in the state’s Department of Children and Families to have sex with the women, whom he was responsible for transporting and whose court-ordered child visitation sessions he was responsible for supervising. “With both of these women, King is alleged to have ruthlessly exploited a mother’s love for her children and his power over that emotionally charged relationship to coerce them into having sex with them,” state Attorney General Christopher Porrino said in a news release. “It’s hard to imagine a more offensive abuse of authority.”

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Boner Candidate #5: WHAT? OH, I JUST GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER. WAIT HERE. I’LL GET YOU A TIP.

Searches for pizza porn may be on the rise. But in real life, indecently exposing yourself to a deliveryman (or woman) can have serious consequences. According to Las Cruces Sun-News, William Gonzalez, 28, a police officer in the New Mexico city, has been cited for indecent exposure and suspended for greeting a pizza deliverywoman completely in the nude. Gonzalez, a five-year veteran of the force, was “immediately” placed on administrative leave early last month after the young woman reported the incident to her supervisor.

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Boner Candidate #6: I’M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL OFF THE WEDDING.

A Texas high school algebra teacher called off her wedding after she was arrested last month for allegedly having sex with a 16-year-old student — who apparently started the fling by inviting her to steamy Snapchat sessions. Alaina Ferguson, 23, of Plano, was released from jail in lieu of $100,000 bond after being booked on charges of sexually assaulting the boy, according to Fox 4. Ferguson was also ordered to wear an electronic monitoring device and deactivate all social media accounts. The alleged relationship began at the beginning of the school year when the Plano Senior High student wrote his Snapchat handle on a test and gave it to Ferguson, according to an arrest warrant obtained by The Post.

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