Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for October 27, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: HEY, WE’RE WORKING ON IT.

The global gap in earnings between men and women will not be closed for another 170 years if current trends continue, according to a new report from the World Economic Forum. The Switzerland-based forum’s annual Global Gender Gap Report , released Tuesday, lists economics and health as the most challenging disparities between men and women worldwide. Of the economic divide, the report says that “at the current rate of change, and given the widening economic gender gap since last year, it will not be closed for another 170 years.”

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Boner Candidate #2: HEROIN, THE NEW MOTHER’S HELPER

Another startling photo of a parent strung out on heroin has been released by police in the Midwest, this time showing an Indiana mother sprawled out behind the wheel of her car — syringe still in hand — while her baby is crying in the backseat. “This is becoming a new norm for drug users,” Marshal Matthew Tallent told the Indianapolis Star. “Parents are doing this more often with children in the car because they are doing it away from someone who is going to disapprove.”

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Boner Candidate #3: COME ON PEOPLE, LET’S GET BUSY

Many species, including the African elephant, have suffered widespread population declines in the last half century. A damning new report from the World Wildlife Fund has found a precipitous decline in the world’s animal populations as thousands of species scramble to survive against a sole enemy: humans. The 2016 version of WWF’s biennial Living Planet Report, published Thursday, found a 58 percent overall decline in vertebrate populations from 1970 to 2012, the latest year with available data. The nonprofit warned that if current trends continue, the world could lose more than two-thirds of wildlife by 2020.

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Boner Candidate #4: I BRANDED HER LIKE HEINZ BEANS

Society is a lot more accepting of tattoos these days, letting people express themselves how they want to with their own bodies. But.. well… maybe this particular tattoo might cause regrets one day. Kourtney Leigh, aged 20, has got her boyfriend’s name tattooed on her face. Or, as her possessive partner puts it, she’s been ‘branded like Heinz Beans’. The word ‘Ryan’ goes above her left eyebrow, while ‘Wibbo’ is on the other side, so nobody else will ever be able to look at her without seeing Ryan’s handiwork.

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Boner Candidate #5: I NEEDED TO STEEL MY NERVES

A Utah pilot was arrested in Rapid City, S.D., Wednesday after he allegedly was caught trying to fly while intoxicated. In a statement, the Rapid City Police Department said it was tipped about 8 a.m. by Transportation Security Administration officers that the SkyWest Airlines pilot, identified as 38-year-old Russell Duszak of Salt Lake City, “smelled of alcohol. “After investigating these claims, the RCPD determined the pilot was in violation of [statute] which prohibits the operation of an aircraft with a blood alcohol [level] above .04,” the statement read.

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