Boners

Boner Preview for March 21st, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: I DARE YOU

Lee de Paauw, an 18-year-old from Queensland state, was at a hostel in the northern Queensland town of Innisfail around 2:30 a.m. on Sunday when he started bragging that he could swim in the river, a known habitat for aggressive saltwater crocodiles, said Sophie Paterson, a British backpacker who was at the hostel. She and several others egged him on, though none of them thought he’d actually get in the water, Paterson said. But get in the water he did. Seconds later, a crocodile latched onto him. “It all happened very fast. Pretty much as soon as he jumped in, there was splashing and screaming,” Paterson told Queensland’s Courier-Mail newspaper. “There was blood everywhere and he just wouldn’t stop screaming.” De Paauw managed to pull himself out of the water. Queensland paramedic Neil Noble said the teen suffered extensive injuries to his arm, and was lucky to escape from the crocodile before the animal drowned him.

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Boner Candidate #2: SOMETIMES YOU SHOULD HIRE A PROFESSIONAL

Maine’s state fire marshal says a man burned down his parents’ house and killed three pets while trying to exterminate ants in his basement with matches. Investigators say 21-year-old Devon Doucette was trying to incinerate the ants with wooden matches when one of them ignited combustible materials. The fire quickly spread to the rest of the house. Authorities say Doucette was treated for smoke inhalation and burns after he carried some burning items out of the house. They say the house is owned by his parents, who were not home at the time. Authorities say the fire killed two cats and one dog. They say charges are not likely.

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Boner Candidate #3: HE KNOWS MY FLAWS AND STILL THINKS I’M AMAZING

A married mother in Michigan who authorities say confessed to having sex with a 14-year-old boy in the back seat of her car and sending him naked pictures seems to still have the support of her husband. Brooke Lajiness, 38, of Lima Township, admitted to having sex with the boy between eight and 15 times in the back of her parked car, Michigan State Police Trooper Donald Pasternak testified during a hearing earlier this month, MLive.com reports. “They started conversing and exchanging nude photographs while he was still in middle school,” said Pasternak, adding that they began their illicit tryst last summer as he transitioned into high school. Pasternak told Magistrate A. Thomas Truesdell during the hearing that the boy’s mother entered a Michigan State Police outpost weeks earlier to report a complaint about Lajiness having sex with her son. “This case involved a defendant seeking out minors for sex,” Assistant Washtenaw Prosecutor John Vella said. Lajiness’ attorney, David Goldstein, took exception to language in court regarding more than one victim, since the current charges relate to only one 14-year-old victim. Lajiness was arraigned earlier this month on 13 counts of third-degree criminal sexual conduct, one count of accosting a minor for immoral purposes and one count of furnishing obscenity to a child, court records cited by the website indicate.

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Boner Candidate #4: DRUNK FRAT BRO AND THE SHARK TOOTH SHOTGUN.

A sick stunt has sparked outrage online after a frat boy was filmed using washed-up shark’s teeth to pierce open his can of beer. Footage shows the shirtless youngster take the “shotgunning” technique to the extreme while celebrating Spring Break on a beach. Stunned viewers slammed it as the “dumbest thing” they’d ever seen. One said: “Soo not okay. Sharks deserve enough respect to not be used as a drinking prop by boys with a single digit IQ, but ok pal.” “I hope the shark ate his arm off,” said one furious viewer. Another added: “This is horrible and it’s animal abuse and why the f**k would u ever????” While one seemed more concerned about the health implications of the sick stunt. He said: “I understand the morality of this but Sharks eat fish, imagine the bacteria in its teeth and hes just drinking it.”

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Boner Candidate #5: ALL TOOLS OF THE TRADE… ALL OF THEM.

A California man is accused of practicing dentistry without a license in an unsanitary office where he allegedly cooked meth. Joseph Hirsch, of Redwood City, is being held in San Mateo County jail on $500,000 bail after authorities received a tip about his alleged crimes, Mercy News reported. Hirsch, 59, is accused of possessing and manufacturing controlled substances, possessing brass knuckles and possessing ammunition as a felon, the report said. Authorities said it was unclear if any patients had been harmed as a result of treatment allegedly provided by Hirsch. Authorities arrested Hirsch after serving a search warrant at Thermo Dental and a three-month investigation involving California’s Department of Dentistry and the state’s Department of Justice, Mercury News reported. The office is allegedly surrounded by warehouse businesses and auto-repair shops. A news release revealed authorities discovered a “crude dentist office,” with an x-ray machine and dental tools, as well as narcotics and equipment used to manufacture narcotics. A man who answered the phone at Thermos Dentistry told Mercury News he had no comment on the arrest.

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Boner Candidate #6: HE WAS JUST VERY, VERY GREATFUL.

A Ghanaian soccer star may be in the doghouse after giving an awkward live TV interview where he mistakenly thanked his wife and girlfriend. Mohammed Anas, who plays for South Africa’s Free State Stars, had just been named “man of the match” when he made the Freudian slip of the tongue during a post-game interview Friday night. “Firstly I appreciate my fans,” Mohammed Anas began, “and my wife and my girlfriend.” Within seconds of catching his mistake, he quickly backtracked with some nervous-sounding laughter. “I mean my wife, sorry for saying, I’m so sorry, my wife,” he said. “I love you so much. I love you so much from my heart.” The 22-year-old scored twice during the South African Premier Division game, the Telegraph reported. But his gaffe left internet users wondering what may have been going on off field. Here’s hoping the “man of the game” is still “man of the house”?

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