Boners

Boner Preview for March 31st, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: NOT RAPE? NOT RAPE? WELL THEN WHAT IS IT?

We can hear the comments now; “What kind of bullsh!t is this, Anonymous? I’m officially unfollowing,” but wait! Before you do, take the time to read the article because unfortunately, it’s true. An Oklahoma judge, who has himself been indicted for various corruptions, ruled that oral sex with a victim who is unconscious is not rape because technically, the person can’t object if they’re passed out. His recent judgement has of course sparked outrage, and Representative Scott Biggs (R-Chickasha), says he plans to amend a bill to fix it. According to The Guardian’s report, the judgement comes with a case involving a 17-year-old boy who sexually assaulted a 16-year-old girl when she was passed-out. They had been drinking with other teens at a Tulsa park, and once it became clear the girl was overly intoxicated, the boy offered to give her a ride home. Another teen rode part of the way with them, and said the girl was going in and out of consciousness in the car.

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Boner Candidate #2: DON’T BE MESSING WITH MY DAUGHTER

A mother faces multiple charges after police said she went to a South Florida high school during dismissal and knocked the cellphone out of the hand of her daughter’s rival, while hitting the girl several times. But the Monday afternoon confrontation didn’t end there, police said in an arrest report for Ernstlatta LaFrance, 30. When the Carol City High School student went to LaFrance’s nearby townhome to get her phone, the woman broke the teen’s middle finger and destroyed her car with an ax. LaFrance’s partner, Erlisa Evans, 28, stepped outside the home and fired a gun into the air three times, according to an arrest report. She’s now facing charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and firing a gun into the air.

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Boner Candidate #3: LET MISS FERGUSON TEACH.

The 'inappropriate' selfie

Mum-of-three Lydia Ferguson is part of the pastoral care team at Newport Pagnell’s Ousedale School. The ‘inappropriate’ selfie Pupils overheard her being reprimanded last week by a senior staff member over a photograph on her personal Facebook account. It shows her wearing a white dress, sitting on the edge of a bed. She was accused of looking “sultry” and “provocative”, say the students. They whipped out their mobile phones and recorded the eight minute row, which took place in the school office. They whipped out their mobile phones and recorded the eight minute row, which took place in the school office. “Miss Ferguson was saying she didn’t think there was anything wrong with the photo. All it was showing was a bit of leg,” said one pupil. Shortly afterwards more pupils watched as Miss Ferguson was escorted off the premises to her car.

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Boner Candidate #4: LET GRANNY GO TO PROM

An Alabama high school is worried a super-senior will turn its prom into a drunken rager. Catherine Maine had never been to a prom before, so she asked her 18-year-old grandson Bryce if she could go with him, according to Al.com But Eufaula High School shot down the idea, and said the granny wasn’t welcome, because she could possibly give alcohol to the minors attending the dance, the site reported. Her grandson has now decided to stay home for the night and his classmates are rallying behind him with a #LetGrannyGoToProm campaign circulating on social media platforms. “My blood is boiling right now,” relative Sarah Catherine said in a Facebook post. “My little cousin Bryce wanted to take our Grandma to his senior Prom since she has never been. Well after she done bought her dress and made plans, the principal decided that they cannot do that anymore… Like really?! Eufaula High School let my Grandma go to Prom!”

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Boner Candidate #5: MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS

A team of medics in Colombia has been axed after being caught on camera bumping and grinding next to a nude patient lying face down on an operating table, according to a report. The alleged professionals, wearing blue scrubs and face masks, appear to be mocking their anesthetized patient as they laugh hysterically and gyrate against the surgery table at the Clinica Santa Cruz de Bocagrande in Bolivar, disturbing footage shows. The clinic fired the five people involved in the incident, the Mirror reported.

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Boner Candidate #6: SUSPEND HER FOR BEING CREEPY.

The Globe and Mail has suspended marquee columnist Leah McLaren for a week. A source told the Star that McLaren, who wrote about her attempt to breastfeed Tory Leadership candidate Michael Chong’s baby without his knowledge and at a time when she was not lactating herself, has been forbidden to comment on her controversial column or on her suspension. Calls and e-mails to the newspaper were not immediately returned Thursday. McLaren told the Star by email on Thursday that she could not comment.

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