Boners

Boner Preview for March 3rd, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: WE HAD THE MUNCHIES REAL BAD

Two drug suspects were busted in Mesa with marijuana, methamphetamine and several stolen boxes of Pepperidge Farm cookies. Police report that on February 24 a Pepperidge Farm delivery driver came out of his apartment near University Drive and Dobson Road to deliver the products. Attached to his truck is a trailer full of snacks, and the victim noticed that the back door to the trailer was broken. About $400 worth of cookies was gone. Police searched the area and found 33-year-old Daniel Kim and 29-year-old Felecia Guthrie in a nearby alleyway along with the drugs and snacks. Kim, who police say tried to hide the snacks, told police that he was homeless and hungry. Both Kim and Guthrie have been charged with drug possession and burglary.

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Boner Candidate #2: DANGER AT THE DERMATOLOGIST

A nurse in Pennsylvania took secret photographs and videos of eight naked patients — including a 17-year-old girl — during appointments at a dermatology office, authorities said. James Close, 45, initially was charged earlier this month with recording the nude teenager while working at Penn Medicine Dermatology in Yardley, but investigators later found videos of seven additional female patients and three more clips of the teen in his iPhone, according to court documents.

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Boner Candidate #3: I DID IT BECAUSE I’M VEGAN

A woman told authorities she intentionally drove into a chicken truck because she is vegan, according to a report. The Athens Banner-Herald reported that Judith M. Armstrong, 26, was arrested at her home in Comer after the Feb. 21 incident which took place in Hull, Georgia.

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Boner Candidate #4: I GET THAT YOU DON’T LIKE US, BUT IS THIS REALLY NECCESSARY?

RFH Vandalism

Boner Candidate #5: YOUR KNOW, LIKE THE ORIENTALS USED TO DO.

Rep. Mike Bost (R-IL) said late last week that holding town halls is not “productive” and compared it to “the cleansing that the Orientals used to do where you’d put one person out in front and 900 people yell at them.” “You know the cleansing that the Orientals used to do where you’d put one person out in front and 900 people yell at them? That’s not what we need,” Bost said Friday in a meeting with the editorial board of The Southern. “The amount of time that I have at home is minimal, I need to make sure that it’s productive.”

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Boner Candidate #6: AN AOL ACCOUNT? REALLY? AOL MIKE?

Mike Pence spent a good portion of the campaign lambasting Hillary Clinton about her emails. In spite of that fact, it somehow comes as no surprise that during his tenure as governor of Indiana, he used a private AOL email to conduct state business. Emails obtained by the Indianapolis Star show that Pence used his personal AOL account for a whole host of things, including:

…security gates at the governor’s residence to the state’s response to terror attacks across the globe. In one email, Pence’s top state homeland security adviser relayed an update from the FBI regarding the arrests of several men on federal terror-related charges.

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