Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for April 20th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: MY LITTLE OLD MOM IS NOW SHORT A FOOT

A Florida woman is angry that she had to do some sole searching when she flew to visit her elderly mother. Margaret Crawford is claiming that Southwest Airlines lost luggage containing her 97-year-old mother’s new prosthetic foot for almost two weeks, WFLA reported Tuesday. Margaret Crawford flew from Tampa International Airport to Belize on March 30. After discovering that the luggage containing the prosthetic foot was lost, she remained in contact with Southwest Airlines. The airline called daily to update Crawford, she told the television station, but it wasn’t until she returned to Tampa that the luggage was found in Atlanta.

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Boner Candidate #2: ONCE AGAIN, ORRIN’S DOING UTAH PROUD

Sen. Orrin Hatch said this week he was fine allowing babies on the Senate floor, but then he asked a follow-up question of his own. What, he mused, would happen “if there are 10 babies on the floor of the Senate?” That quote, nabbed by an Associated Press reporter just off the Senate floor, triggered the kind of storm that could fill a lot of diapers. Hatch, 84, was responding to a proposal he supported to allow Sen. Tammy Duckworth, an Illinois Democrat who is the first senator to give birth while in office, to bring children under the age of 1 onto the Senate floor during votes and even breastfeed there.

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Boner Candidate #3: TRYING TO BLOCK KIDS FROM ENTERING THE MAGIC KINGDOM

Thieves made off with 8,000 Disneyland tickets worth about $800,000 when they stole a box trailer from a youth agricultural education organization that was going to distribute them to participants at a conference in Southern California, officials said. The trailer owned by Future Farmers of America was stolen Wednesday from the group’s office in the city of Galt, south of Sacramento, the California Highway Patrol said. Security footage shows a dark pickup truck backing up to the trailer and driving it away, said Matt Patton, executive director of the California chapter of Future Farmers of America.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: BABIES IN THE BAGGAGE

Police say a 26-year-old Michigan woman left her two infant daughters inside a suitcase on the side of the road as child welfare workers arrived to take the children away. Police say officers assisting Child Protective Services workers Wednesday were unable to find the children inside the Flint home, about 50 miles northwest of Detroit. Authorities have not said why the children were being removed. WNEM-TV reports that officers looked outside the home and found the girls in the luggage.

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Boner Candidate #2: WHY DO WE SAY THAT POLITICIANS HAVE NO INTEGRITY?

The man who once labeled him “Lyin’ Ted” and denigrated his wife’s appearance is now, in Cruz’s words, “doing what he was elected to do: disrupt the status quo.” As part of Time magazine’s annual tradition of influential people lauding other influential people, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) lavished President Donald Trump with praise, despite all of Trump’s attacks against him and his family during their bruising primary battle two years ago. In a short profile published Thursday for Time’s list of the 100 most influential people, Cruz wrote in glowing, lyrical terms about Trump’s presidency, calling the president “a flash-bang grenade thrown into Washington by the forgotten men and women of America.” 

Boner Candidate #3: TOBY’S GONNA BE OKAY.

His former family asked a local animal shelter to euthanize him. They refused. Things are looking up for a North Carolina cat who walked 12 miles to get back to his former home, only to have his owners surrender him to an animal shelter and ask that he be euthanized. Luckily for the fluffy orange cat, named Toby, the shelter refused to do so. Instead, they transferred him to another shelter — the SPCA of Wake County, where he was put up for adoption. The SPCA announced this week that Toby had found a new, loving family.

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