Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for August 24th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: HEY, I’M INNOCENT. MY WIFE DID IT.

Rep. Duncan D. Hunter seemed to shift any blame onto his wife, Margaret, on Thursday for alleged campaign fund abuses, saying she was the one handling his finances. “She was also the campaign manager, so whatever she did that’ll be looked at too, I’m sure,” the California Republican said on Fox News. “But I didn’t do it,” Hunter said. “I didn’t spend any money illegally.” Duncan and Margaret Hunter pleaded not guilty Thursday morning to federal charges that they had stolen a quarter of a million dollars in campaign funds to furnish their lavish lifestyle. The Hunters had been indicted earlier this week, accused of spending the campaign money on expenses including a $14,000 Italian vacation, groceries and other household items.

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Boner Candidate #2: HE WANTED A NOSE JOB SO I GAVE HIM ONE

A Kentucky woman who told police she gave her boyfriend “the nose job he wanted” after allegedly shooting him in the face in 2012, told prosecutors Wednesday that the act was in self-defense. Shayna Hubers was convicted of murder April 23, 2015, and sentenced to 40 years in prison. But the conviction was overturned Aug. 25, 2016, when a juror on her trial was found to have a prior felony conviction. Testifying on Wednesday in Campbell County Circuit Court, Hubers, 27, recounted the details leading up to the fatal shooting of her boyfriend, Ryan Poston, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported.

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Boner Candidate #3: I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WAS STILL ON THE BOTTLE

Los Angeles radio personality Big Boy was involved in a crash with an apparent drunk driver Tuesday in an odd sequence of events caught on video that went viral Wednesday. After the crash, the alleged drunk driver proceeded to remain behind the wheel of the wrecked vehicle and drink from what appeared to be a bottle of alcohol. Eventually, police arrived on the scene and arrested the man, who stumbled and fell in process, with pants falling down around his ankles. Outrageous as those visuals were, the story didn’t end there. Michael Kenneth Pettersen, 54, of Northridge was booked on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, Lt. Joe Mendoza of the LA County Sheriff’s Department at the Lost Hills/Malibu Station confirmed Wednesday.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: THE DESECRATION OF VENERATED OBJECTS.

A Johnstown man was arrested Saturday in Waterloo, N.Y., after New York State Police say he attempted to sell nearly 1,000 pounds of veteran grave markers believed to have been stolen in Cambria County. Ronald Gene Cichenelli Jr. is being held in Seneca County Jail and has been charged with criminal possession of stolen property. The Cambria County Department of Veteran Services issued a news release on Monday regarding the arrest. Employees at the recycling yard where the items were taken recognized what they were and notified authorities.

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Boner Candidate #2: I BET I’LL GET A LOT OF SHARES AND LIKES

A twisted British man was arrested Thursday for posting grisly photos of a dead car crash victim on social media, according to local reports. The graphic images were shared over 70 times on Facebook, a user who saw the pics and asked for them to be taken down before reporting them to the police told The Times UK. “Just seeing those images upset me and many other people,” said Jayne Sloman. “We were pleading with the poster to take them down.” The photos were of the aftermath of a Monday morning crash that killed Lizzy Keenan, 30. Her partner Richard Keenan, 23, who was driving, crashed into two walls in Derby. He was charged with causing her death by dangerous driving.

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Boner Candidate #3: I EVEN HAD TO SHOW MY PAD.

Zainab Merchant said that after the horrifying incident, airport officials refused to give her their names and badge numbers so she would not be able to file a complaint. But Merchant, who is based in Orlando, Florida, knew what to prepare for. She knew to get to the airport much earlier than the suggested two hours before her flight, since she expected Transportation Security Administration agents to pull her aside, rummage through her bags and subject her to additional pat-downs and screenings. She said the ordeal has been her new normal for the last two years. What she did not expect was for a TSA officer to announce to the other agents at the security checkpoint that she needed to take “a deeper look” after publicly patting down Merchant’s groin area. Merchant said she resisted at first, telling the two TSA officers that she was on her period and therefore wearing a menstrual pad. She insisted that any additional screening be done in public, fearing that if she went into a private room without any other witnesses, the situation would only escalate.

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