Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for August 29th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: MAYBE THE FLUX CAPACITATOR IS REAL

Kathryn Burcham with Boston 25 news was reporting live from the scene of a plane crash at Cranland Airport in Hanson, Massachusetts, when it appears she accidentally made a Back to the Future reference. In the clip, Burcham claims that Jacob Haselden, the 20-year-old pilot who crash-landed the plane, told her a “defective flux capacitator” was the possible cause of the crash.  Great Scott! We may have a troll on our hands. As many of you know, a “flux capacitor” is a component in Doc Brown’s time machine from the Back to the Future franchise. It’s unclear if the plane was a time machine.  While it’s possible that Haselden actually blamed the crash on a fluxgate compass, a magnetic instrument used to help pilots keep their craft level with the earth, it was hard to miss the flub.

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Boner Candidate #2: YOU PARENTS SHOULD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OH, AND l ‘M A WANNABE HISTORIAN

An outspoken member of the State Board of Education is drawing criticism over her controversial comments in board meetings and on social media. Lisa Cummins, elected in 2016, represents District 11, which includes the Jordan School District and parts of Salt Lake School District. District 11 encompasses Herriman High School, which last year became synonymous with Utah’s alarming teen suicide rate. Seven mothers lost children who attended Herriman to suicide in 2017. In a board meeting last May, one such mother, Catherine Voutaz, pleaded for the board to direct resources to the prevention of such tragedies. She also called for suicide response plans at each school district. “You all have the ability to make a difference,” Voutaz said. Minutes later, an emotional Cummins turned on her microphone’s light, indicating she had something to say. “Where are the organizations of parents who need to step up and accept accountability and responsibility?” Cummins said. To many listeners in the room, including the parent whose son died by suicide, it sounded as if Cummins was shifting blame back to the very people pleading with the board to take action.

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*Here’s another story about Cummins*

For 2,300 Utah students, it was the opportunity of a lifetime: a chance to see the hit musical “Hamilton.” It is the lyrical story of American founding father Alexander Hamilton, as interpreted through the eyes of virtuoso Lin-Manuel Miranda. The plan was put forth by The Gilder Lehrman Institute of American History. The organization would provide free and reduced tickets to the students to see the musical when it visited Salt Lake City last year. The proposal was expected to pass without a hitch, but broke down into a debate about the accuracy and historical significance of the musical. School board member Lisa Cummins objected to the musical. “Just because something is popular, doesn’t mean we should just automatically jump on the bandwagon,” she said. “We have a responsibility to our students to teach them the truth.”

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Boner Candidate #3: ROLLING COAL, A UTAH TRADITION.

A cyclist voiced that he was upset after a truck ‘rolled coal’ on him during a race Saturday in Duck Creek. Michael Conti posted pictures of his friend Andrew Danly having black exhaust “coal rolled” onto him by a passing truck while he was racing in the Hoodoo 300 ultra cycling race. “This is something that unfortunately happens to all cyclists out on the road,” Conti wrote in the post. ” All of us cyclists have WAR stories about some A..hole that rolls coal on us or intentionally tries to run us off the road.” Conti stated that two males occupying the truck appeared to have sent black smoke billowing toward Danly on purpose. “You can see in the third picture that this was intentional and the kids were looking back to make sure they covered my friend Andrew Danly “Metal” in black exhaust,” Coni said.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT DO YOU EXPECT WHEN YOU NAME YOUR RESTAURANT “GO BANANAS?”

A fight involving at least five adults at a restaurant for children was caught on camera this weekend, prompting many to demand that the kid-focused establishment be shut down. In the recording at Go Bananas in Norridge, Ill., several adults are seen fighting each other near a dining table, which appears to be set up for a child’s birthday. Outside of the room, a banner reads “Happy Birthday.” The adults involved in the fight throw punches before one woman grabs a mop to use as a weapon. Two others involved threw what appear to be trash cans at others in the fight. According to reports, a baby was sitting only a few feet away from the altercation. The chaos was posted on social media and has been viewed over 200,000 times.

Boner Candidate #2: WELL IF IT’S CANCER I GUESS YOU CAN WEAR THE WIG.

A Texas high school senior battling brain cancer has won the fight to wear her blue-black wig after school officials told her it was a violation of the dress code. McKinney ISD, located north of Dallas, announced Sunday that they have reversed their decision and will allow Kate Pepper to wear the wig. “I feel a relief, and I am honestly hoping that if anyone else is going through my circumstances that this will help them along the way as well,” Pepper told CNN affiliate KTVT. Pepper, 17, has been battling her second bout of brain cancer. A week before her senior year, she made the tough decision to shave her long, braided hair, which had started falling out from cancer treatments. The teen documented her journey throughout her treatments on YouTube.

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Boner Candidate #3: HEISENBERG IS GROWING HIS BUSINESS

A Utah customer expressed that they were “appalled” by a type of rock candy they saw at an FYE (For Your Entertainment) store in Provo, that they called “candy meth.” “Hello, I was at your store in Provo, UT yesterday and was completely appalled by one of the products you carry,” said Parker Twede of Salt Lake City. “Let me preface by saying that I am not by any means easily-offended. When I saw the end cap full of breaking bad candy meth, I couldn’t believe my eyes.” Twede posted photos of the display from FYE, which showed the company’s “Breaking Bad Blue Sky rock candy.” The candy, described on the company’s website as “a street-legal package of Heisenberg’s infamous “Blue Sky” product,” appeared to be emulating blue methamphetamine that the character Walter White produced on the show Breaking Bad.

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