Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for December 10, 2018

ROUND ONE

BONER CANDIDATE #1: CAN YOU DESCRIBE THE SUSPECT?

During a search at the Mahoning County Jail, cops found bags of methamphetamine and a hypodermic needle, the outlet said. “I don’t see how she was caught. Maintaining a low profile and all . . . SMH,” one Facebook poster snarked after the arrest. Zebrasky has drastically altered her appearance in the past six years, transforming herself into a real-life Skeletor, social-media photos reveal. “Bout to get tatted!” Zebrasky announced in a Dec. 1, 2012, Facebook post. In the latest Mahoning County booking photo, Zebrasky sports a spider-web tattoo stretched across her forehead. Additional ink encircles her eyes, covers her nose and can be spotted on the sides of her face and on the skin above and below her lips. This is Zebrasky’s second brush with the law in recent weeks. She was collared in November after leading police on a brief car chase, according to the report.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: I GUESS HE WON’T BE GETTING THE JOB.

A Florida man was arrested after he allegedly stole two pairs of sneakers from a department store – minutes after interviewing for a job there. Deputies in Hernando County arrested Dominick Breedlove and charged him with retail theft after the incident Wednesday afternoon at a Kohl’s store in Spring Hill, located north of Tampa. According to NBC affiliate WFLA-TV, 24-year-old Breedlove went into the store shortly after the interview and started looking at a Nike display for women’s shoes that did not have security tags. Breedlove left the store and later returned with a bag from a previous trip. A lost prevention officer called the Hernando County Sheriff’s Office after seeing Breedlove put the sneakers, worth a combined $150, inside the bag and leaving the store. Officers arrested Breedlove on the way to his car, where he told deputies that he had planned to gift the shoes to his mother. Breedlove was booked into jail with a $500 bond. Needless to say, he did not get the job, the sheriff’s office said.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: IT SYMBOLIZES THE STUPIDITY OF A MAN

Several times a week, kung fu teacher Ren Ruzhi enters a ring to spar with a bovine opponent around five times his weight and capable of killing him. Ren’s mixing of martial arts and bullfighting worries his mother, but the 24-year-old has never been hurt. Besides, he says, grappling with a snorting bull is exciting. “It symbolizes the bravery of a man,” Ren told Reuters in Jiaxing in China’s eastern province of Zhejiang. Unlike Spain’s more famous sport, the Chinese variant of bullfighting involves no swords or gore but instead fuses the moves of wrestling with the skill and speed of kung fu to bring down beasts weighing up to 400 kg (882 lb). “Spanish bullfighting is more like a performance or a show,” said Hua Yang, a 41-year-old enthusiast who watched a bullfight during a visit to Spain. “This (the Chinese variety) is truly a contest pitting a human’s strength against a bull. There are a lot of skills involved and it can be dangerous.”

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ROUND TWO

BONER CANDIDATE #1: BEING A DOCTOR PAYS BETTER THAN BEING A JANITOR

A Wisconsin man posed as a doctor and doled out medications — including a purported flu shot, Ritalin and amoxicillin — to unknowing patients, some of whom were diagnosed with schizophrenia, prosecutors allege. Kyle Grant Larsen, 32, billed himself as Dr. Kyle Ellis to unsuspecting men and women who visited his Medical Psychology of Wisconsin office on Wisconsin Avenue in Appleton, which he outfitted using equipment purchased from Craigslist or at a garage sale held by a retired chiropractor, according to a criminal complaint filed Wednesday and obtained by the Appleton Post-Courier. “He treated a number of different patients, according to the allegations in the criminal complaint, including giving someone what was reportedly a flu shot but unknown what was ultimately injected,” Outagamie County District Attorney Melinda Tempelis said Wednesday. “Some of these people had taken all of the medication so there’s nothing left, thereby potentially endangering their safety.”

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: I WAS GONNA NAME HIM JAIL BIRD MURDERER.

A fed-up mom-to-be KO’d her baby shower because she said her “fake a– family” ridiculed the name she’d chosen for her child. The unidentified woman blasted her family for questioning her decision to name her son Squire Sebastian Senator in a post on the Facebook event page for the now-canceled shindig. “Ya’ll have been talking sh-t about my unborn baby. AN UNBORN CHILD,” she wrote. “How can you judge an unborn child?? What is wrong with you?? I never knew my family could be so judgmental. “They’ve spread rumors and lies about my child,” she wrote. “No, I am not crazy. No, I am not mentally unstable. No, I was not drunk when I named my child. This is the name I was meant to give him,” she wrote. “This is how it will be. He will not be allowed to have a nickname, he is to be called by his full and complete first name. “This name conveys power. It conveys wealth. It conveys success,” she added, explaining that she’d chosen the moniker because it hinted at the family’s ties to senators and squires. “My baby’s name WILL be a revolution,” she continued. “It will push people to question everything.” “F–k you all. Fake a– family,” she wrote. “You won’t get to be a part of my baby’s life and it’s all because you had to judge him.” Her post was published on Reddit on Saturday, where users continued to mock the baby’s name.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: THEY DIDN’T NEED THEM OLD BONES NO MORE.

A former Connecticut cemetery caretaker was cuffed Thursday in connection with the desecration of dozens of graves. Bridgeport police said they found piles of human bones, casket pieces and headstones chucked like trash into the woods around the Park City Cemetery to make way for the newly dead. They also found new graves stacked on top of old ones, separated by a new layer of dirt. Dale LaPrade, 64, who oversaw 57-acre grounds with her husband Daniel since the 1980s was charged with felony interference with a cemetery. Complaints from relatives, who estimated that more than 100 graves were either disinterred or had new remains buried on top of them, led police to search the cemetery in September. Following the gruesome discovery by detectives, a civil court judge ousted LaPrade from the cemetery last week. The cemetery was established in 1878 and it appears that many veterans’ gravesites were disturbed. One veteran’s gravestone was found in a garage. LaPrade was released on promise to appear in court Dec. 18. She didn’t return a call from The Post.

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