Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for July 17th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: SEAN, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS IT WAS STRONG.

Sean Hannity, a close ally of President Trump, praised his performance at the close of the Helsinki summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin. “You were very strong at the end of that press conference,” Hannity told Mr. Trump during an interview following the press conference. “You said, ‘Where are the servers?’ ‘What about what Peter Strzok says?’ ‘Where are the 33,000 emails?'”  The interview, which aired on Fox News’ “Hannity” Monday night, followed an appearance by the president that appalled even some of his staunchest defenders when he seemed to side with Putin over U.S. intelligence on whether the Russian government interfered in the 2016 election.  Mr. Trump talked with Hannity about special counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation and said it had driven “a phony wedge — a phony witch hunt rigged deal” between U.S. and Russia.

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Boner Candidate #2: SOMEONE DECAPITATED THE PINK ONE HUMPER.

A life-size pink statue of a camel that’s resided on the sand behind hip Hamptons spot Surf Lodge has been beheaded. The large one-humper, whose side still proclaims “Save Water, Drink Rosé,” was found mysteriously decapitated Sunday — although we hear the head’s been found and is safely with an employee. There is little information on the foul play, er, involuntary dromedary slaughter. The brightly colored creature’s been a Montauk Instagram fave, with a source telling us: “People have been hanging from it and climbing it. It looks more strong than it is.”

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Boner Candidate #3: MOST PEOPLE UNDERESTIMATE THE POWEER OF BURNING HAY.

A woman accused of setting two hay bale fires causing more than $20,000 damage in Half Moon Bay, California, said she set the blazes to prevent a ‘zombie apocalypse’ and a ‘cult massacre,’ respectively, authorities say. Deputies arrested Monica Louise Berlin, 39, of El Granada, California, on Friday following a 20-mile chase, during which she livestreamed part of the pursuit on Facebook. She’s accused of burning 900 bales of hay worth $10,800 on June 26 and then another 865 bales worth $9,180 in the same field July 3, San Mateo County sheriff’s deputies told KTVU. According to court documents, Berlin told firefighters at the first blaze “this was about the zombie apocalypse,” reported The Mercury News. At the second fire, she told a neighbor she burned the hay to “prevent a cult from committing a massacre.”

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: DESPICABLE HIM.

A Florida man was arrested after attacking a blind, mentally handicapped man dressed in a Minion costume who was standing on a popular boardwalk Sunday, officials said. Daytona Beach Police said in news release that Jamie Roehm was costumed as a yellow, cylindrical Minion — a type of character in the children’s movie “Despicable Me” — and working outside Jungle George’s on Daytona Beach’s boardwalk doing a promotion for the store when he was approached by a group of people. A man later identified as Ryan Nihart, 25, then came up behind Roehm, lifted him up and “dropped him on the pavement,” cops said. The entire assault was caught on surveillance camera. “When Roehm stood up and tried to get his bearings, Nihart then kicked him and knocked him down a second time,” police said. “As Nihart was doing this, he was being encouraged by two people on the sidewalk.”

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Boner Candidate #2: NOBODY HARVESTS TOBACCO LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD.

In the U.S., children under the age of 18 are legally barred from purchasing cigarettes or other tobacco products. But they are allowed to harvest tobacco on farms. Despite a worldwide decline in production, tobacco remains North Carolina’s most valuable crop. In 2017, the total value of tobacco produced in the state was just under $725 million, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. The Fair Labor Standards Act, which governs child labor, makes exceptions to child labor laws for small farms and allows hires as young as 12 for larger ones. During tobacco picking season, some of the smaller farms in North Carolina will hire kids as young as 7 years old, says Melissa Bailey Castillo, outreach coordinator at the Kinston Community Health Center in Kinston, N.C.

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Boner Candidate #3: DEATH CAMP SOUVENIRS.

A pair of Hungarian tourists were busted Saturday trying to steal bricks from a crematorium at Nazi death camp Auschwitz as a “souvenir.” Another tourist saw the man and woman pilfering pieces of the Oświęcim, Poland, death camp — where occupying Nazis murdered 1 million Jews and 100,000 others including gypsies, Catholics and war prisoners from 1940-1945 — and alerted authorities of the uncouth behavior. “The man and woman were charged with theft of a cultural asset. They both admitted to wrongdoing,” regional police spokesman Mateusz Drwal told Polish news agency PAP. “They explained that they had wanted to bring back a souvenir and didn’t realise the consequences of their actions.”

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