Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for July 6th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: NEEGAN WANTS YOU TO GET OFF HIS LAWN

Jeffrey Dean Morgan was a renowned actor before The Walking Dead, with roles on Supernatural and Grey’s Anatomy and in the Watchmen movie, but his fame has gone to the next level since he started playing Negan. It’s an iconic character (if also somewhat problematic), and while I’m sure Morgan appreciates the attention paid to his career, he would also like Walking Deadfans to stop visiting his darn home. You might call it his… Sanctuary (sorry). “Dear people that think it’s a solid plan to come to our house, take pictures, drive up to house, knock on door… it’s not a good plan,” he tweeted. “It’s rude and creepy. Respect our privacy please. And… you’re being recorded.”

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Boner Candidate #2: THAT’S ARMY PEPPER

A Fort Myers police officer noticed something unusual on his Burger King receipt: The word “POLICE” appeared on the ticket, something Tim McCormick hadn’t seen done before. And he suspected there was something nefarious going on: The News-Press reports he took to Facebook on Wednesday with a big complaint: that the workers at the 4004 Cleveland Avenue had put dirt on his burger. “At first I thought it was just burned old bacon, I was hungry and ate the burger, at the last bite I saw dirt and grit on the burger. In disgust, I threw it out of the window,” he wrote in the since-deleted post written under the Facebook name Mac O’Durham. He also indicated that when he went back into the restaurant to complain the staff “had a good laugh.”

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Boner Candidate #3: HEY DISPATCH, IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING?

These cops are apparently veritable super troopers. A sheriff’s deputy and a cop in Indiana allegedly made prank calls to an emergency dispatcher while getting boozed up at a house party – and were arrested after one call was traced to a phone owned by one of the officers. Hamilton County Sheriff’s Deputy David Needham, 39, and Cicero Police Officer Bradley Gorgas, 40, were charged with one misdemeanor count of false reporting after they were drinking alcohol during a party at Gorgas’ home on May 1 and decided to prank-call the county’s 911 dispatch center, according to court documents obtained by the Indianapolis Star.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: SSSAM!

For the second time this year, a Philadelphia Starbucks is at the center of controversy after a worker was accused of mocking a man with a stutter. Tan Lekwijit said the incident began when his friend Sam visited the Starbucks on 34th and Walnut streets in University City back on June 27. According to Lekwijit, Sam, a 28-year-old University of Pennsylvania graduate student who has a stutter, stuttered when he told the barista his name after he ordered a coffee. The barista allegedly replied by saying, “Okay, S-S-S-Sam.” Lekwijit said the mockery continued when Sam received his coffee and saw the name the barista wrote on the cup. “His name on the cup was written as ‘SSSAM,’ which was disrespectful,” Lekwijit said.

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Boner Candidate #2: I DEMAND YOU SEARCH MY CAR TO FIND THE OPEN CONTAINER THAT IS TOTALLY NOT THERE!

It could be said that Tremaine McGriff, 32, learned that the hard way on June 24 in Vero Beach. An Indian River County sheriff’s deputy at 2:50 a.m. reported hearing loud music coming from the direction of the 2400 block of 43rd Street, an affidavit states. “The music was so loud as to cause a noise disturbance in the neighboring area,” the affidavit states. The deputy saw a man in a four-door Mercury, who started to pull forward. The man, later identified as McGriff, was told to stop. Deputies asked him to spell his name, but couldn’t understand him. Given a notepad and pen to write his name, McGriff started writing with the wrong end of the pen. “When Mr. McGriff finally began to write with the correct side of the pen, he wrote the name ‘Traimario,’” the affidavit states.

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Boner Candidate #3: WEINER MISCOUNT!

It was a mistake that shook America on Independence Day. After a miscount was discovered at the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest on Wednesday, Major League Eating is considering using technology to count the number of hot dogs and buns consumed, according to ESPN. Rich Shea, the president of Major League Eating, which puts on the contest, said the mistake might warrant changes for future counting procedures. “Yesterday’s incident might be the impetus to bring competitive eating into the digital age,” Shea told ESPN. Winner Joey Chestnut set a new record on Wednesday by eating 74 hot dogs and buns, but Chestnut was originally credited with only eating 64. Someone realized two empty plates of Chestnut’s were not counted, reports ESPN. Competitor Carmen Cincotti was also credited with eating 45 hot dogs, until it was discovered that he had consumed 64.

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