Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for June 19th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: IT WAS MUTUAL COMBAT.

Two sisters accused of stabbing each other during a fight in front of five small children are in jail in Wisconsin pending criminal charges. The Madison Police Department says officers were dispatched to a residence just after noon Saturday after one woman reported she had been stabbed. The officers arrived to find two “uncooperative” sisters, ages 24 and 23, with stab wounds on their arms. A police statement says the women had “engaged in mutual combat” but did not suffer life-threatening wounds.

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Boner Candidate #2: SHE GOT HIM RIGHT IN THE PACKAGE

She’s a real ball-buster. Kimberly Dunn, 35, from Lake City, Fla., is accused of shooting her estranged husband in the testicles last October after he attempted to take away an air conditioner she was trying to sell on Facebook, WKBN reported. Dunn — who was charged with aggravated battery for the alleged attack — is back in jail for failing to show up in court last Thursday. She now faces a contempt of court charge as well as a felony larceny charge and is being held without bond, ABC reported. At the time of her arrest last year, Dunn told police she shot her husband by accident and only meant to scare him after he barged into her home. Her husband, whose name was withheld by police, told officials he showed up at Dunn’s residence with his brother to collect the AC unit after learning she was trying to sell it online, according to an arrest report obtained by WJAX-TV.

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Boner Candidate #3: CULTURE SMULTURE….EVERYONE NEEDS TO LOOK THE SAME.

Westlake High School staff were directing the graduating seniors who stood in line backstage: “Unzip your gowns.” Finehafo’ou Malohifo’ou had slid into the middle of the pack with the other students whose last names started with M, N and O. When the staffers got to his group, he pulled open his dark blue robe. It felt a little weird, he thought, but they were probably just checking to make sure no one was sneaking in an airhorn or some firecrackers. Under his gown, Malohifo’ou had on dress clothes, a crisp white button-up shirt and black trousers. Over his waist, he wore a tan woven mat — a ta’ovala cloth to honor his Tongan heritage. “Take it off or you can’t walk,” Malohifo’ou said an administrator insisted, pointing at the wrap.

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: COMMNUNISM WILL WIN.

Spenser Rapone is seen in an undated photo making a fist and holding a cap with a sign inside that reads, “Communism will win.”  (Twitter) The West Point graduate, who last year posed in a picture holding a cap that had “Communism will win” written inside, is officially out of the U.S. Army with an other-than-honorable discharge. Spenser Rapone rocked the military community last year after his social media posts were revealed, showing him wearing a Che Guevara shirt underneath his military uniform. He is no longer part of the U.S. military after top brass at Fort Drum’s 10th Mountain Division accepted his resignation Monday after an earlier warning for “conduct unbecoming of an officer.” He’s leaving the military with an other-than-honorable discharge.

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Boner Candidate #2: CHRISTIAN PSYCHIATRIST SERVICES.

A psychiatrist in Tennessee had her license suspended for allegedly whipping at least 10 patients and referring to them as “mules.” The Tennessee Department of Health suspended Dr. Valerie Augustus’ medical license after finding out about her abusive actions with multiple patients in 2015, WMC reports. The health department found that Augustus allegedly whipped her patients with a riding crop, whips and other items. Augustus is a licensed physician and is board-certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology as an adult psychiatrist. Augustus works at her own private practice, called Christian Psychiatrist Services in Germantown, Tennessee, which is just less than 30 minutes east of Memphis. Christian Psychiatrist Services’ website states that Augustus has been in private practice for more than 15 years.

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Boner Candidate #3: I THINK I’VE MADE MY POINT

A man with a head full of racist tattoos — including one that reads “AM A PSYCHOTIC NEO NAZI SERIAL KILLER SKIN HEAD FOREVER FOREVER” — got into a car accident with an Asian delivery man on bicycle in Brooklyn Monday night, authorities said. The heavily inked motorist was behind the wheel of a U-Haul cargo van when he collided with the rider aboard an electric bike on Broadway near Gerry Street, in front of the Food Bazaar Supermarket in Williamsburg at about 9:30 p.m., authorities said. Despite the man’s tats — which also included one that read in all caps “I hate s–cs n—ers Indians Lebians women” — police said the crash appeared to be an accident and no charges were filed. “I saw them take the guy (bicyclist) away. I think he was bleeding – middle aged,” a witness said. “I think he was really injured.”

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