Round One
Boner Candidate #1: SOMETIMES I’M ASHAMED TO BE A MEMBER OF THE HUMAN RACE.
A plane passenger allegedly punched a deaf pregnant woman in her stomach during an altercation that started with a complaint about her family’s service dog, police in Florida said. Video taken inside Orlando International Airport, where the flight from Colorado Springs, Colorado, landed, captured two men chasing each other around the terminal on Thursday. It also showed the pregnant woman’s fiance, whom the police named as 30-year-old Matthew Silvay, tackling passenger Timothy Manley, 59, to the ground. Silvay is also deaf, according to police. According to the police report obtained by HuffPost, the hostilities first began when Manley’s wife, 56-year-old Petrini Manley, complained about being allergic to dogs during the plane’s descent.
Boner Candidate #2: THAT’S WHAT THEY GET FOR BEING THE SCHOOL OF THE DEVIL.
Nebo School District officials have been working to ease tensions after Maple Mountain High School printed a yearbook spread using derogatory words to describe its inner-district rival, Springville High School. The page is a word cloud shaped like Springville High School’s logo — a stylized S, with a devil face inside — and titled “Describe Springville.” The page characterizes Springville as, among other things, “ghetto,” “lame,” “stupid” and “satanic.” Maple Mountain High School is in Spanish Fork, and Springville High School is in Springville, about 4 miles away. The school district first posted about the yearbook page on its Twitter just after 10 p.m. Friday, saying it was looking into the issue.
Boner Candidate #3: GOTT UND HIMMEL! ARE THOSE DRED-LOCKS?
German public broadcaster ZDF has been lashed for what critics called “racist” coverage of Britain’s royal wedding Saturday. Announcers were mesmerized by how African-Americans straighten their hair, repeatedly referred to Meghan Markle and black wedding guests as “exotic,” and said the gospel choir at the wedding sang “beautifully black,” German international broadcaster Deutsche Welle reported. HuffPost Germany complained: “The station never tires of emphasizing that Meghan Markle … is black. Black, black, black. Can we please talk about hats again?” At one point, a ZDF announcer wondered: “Are those dreadlocks on Meghan’s mother?” Another responded, according to DW: “It’s curly hair that’s been somewhat de-curled, same as Meghan probably does all the time.”
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Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: I WAS HOPING FOR AN INVITATION TO DINNER/LUNCH.
A man in Ohio realized the downside of bringing home the bacon when a pig wouldn’t stop following him on his way home early Saturday morning. Police in Elyria, Ohio, say they thought the unidentified man must have been drunk or hallucinating when he called for backup after failing to shake the swine. The North Ridgeville Police Department said they received the call at 5:26 a.m. Saturday morning. Upon arrival, they discovered the man, who was totally sober but still being followed by the pig near the city’s Amtrak station. An officer loaded the pig into his police cruiser and eventually returned it to its owner. A department spokesperson told CBS News the pig’s name was Zoey.
Boner Candidate #2: I MEAN TO KEEP THE FAMILY PURE.
Boner Candidate #3: SO, WHO IS SICK AND STUPID IN THIS STORY?
A prejudiced California pol likely flushed whatever election hopes she had down the drain after targeting a transgender person in a restaurant bathroom. Social-media users are attacking Republican congressional candidate Jazmina Saavedra over her videotaped harassment of a transgender woman who used a ladies’ room at a Los Angeles Denny’s last week. “We’re going to run you out of power,” a Twitter user wrote in Spanish yesterday. “You’re stupid and you have no respect for women. You bring shame to Latinas.” Saavedra tried to portray herself as the victim. “Sorry losers and haters! The more you lie, the more I win,” she blathered in a Saturday tweet. “I’ve been called ‘wetback’ ‘beaner’ and everything else… @Twitter then blames me and censors me?”
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