Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for May 25th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: JUST TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP.

A man who reportedly drove his vehicle through the window of a Niles seafood market Wednesday morning wasn’t going to let that interfere with his plans to get a haircut. “He was as calm as could be, getting his hair cut,” said June Saraceno, owner of Hair Designs Unlimited in Niles, describing the driver’s demeanor just minutes after the crash. The 80-year-old Skokie man had driven his silver, four-door vehicle into the front window of Captain Alex Seafood, 8874 N. Milwaukee Ave., said Niles Police Cmdr. Robert Tornabene. He then got out of the vehicle and walked several doors down to his hair appointment, Tornabene said.

Read More

Boner Candidate #2: YOU SAY YOU ARE NOT DICKS BUT MAYBE YOU ARE.

A North Myrtle Beach pawn shop’s sign about AR-15 assault-style rifles has sparked a conversation on social media, WPDE reports. Their sign reads, “We sell AR-15’s because we’re not Dick’s.” Barbara Davey, a manager at Crossroads Pawn and Audio, said the sign was a simple marketing idea. Several people have chimed in online with their thoughts on the sign. Some were critical of the sign’s message. “It’s disgusting, owners are $$$$ hungry,” Kenneth Kane said. “Besides being crass, it’s completely tone deaf considering it’s proximity to the high school and the timing of the latest school shooting massacre. I feel bad for the students who have to drive by it every day,” Kate Martin said.

Read More

Boner Candidate #3: I WANT TO BE A GODLESS ALIEN

A make-up artist wants to remove his genitals to achieve his dream of looking like an alien – but plastic surgeons have said it may be impossible. LA-based Vinny Ohh, 23, has already spent $60,000 transforming himself into a “genderless alien.” However, the surgery he wants next is his most extreme yet – getting his genitalia removed entirely so he is neither male nor female. He’s now been told by plastic surgeons that he may never be able to have the operation – which would be a world-first. Renowned plastic surgery Dr. Simoni, who runs a practice in Beverly Hills, said such a procedure is highly controversial since doctors are unsure what effect the removal would have on the body’s biochemistry.

Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: WHEN I WEAR THIS, I CAN BE SNEAKY; YOU KNOW, LIKE A CAT.

A man spotted pussyfooting around driveways and allegedly breaking into cars in Wisconsin while sporting a cat onesie was arrested Saturday, police said. The man, who was not immediately identified, is expected to be arraigned in the coming days, according to FOX6 Now. The man was spotted on surveillance footage around homes in St. Francis on May 12. A resident caught the suspect early that morning in a onesie near his car, according to the station. Police said several properties in the neighborhood were burglarized. “Our car had been broken into, rifled through, the door was left open,” Nikki Larson told FOX6. “It’s scary.”

Read More

Boner Candidate #2: HE TOOK A POTATO BATH WHILE WEARING A BRA AND PANTIES. OH, AND DRUGS WERE INVOLVED.

When Judge Peter Henry asked James Johnson why he was found filling up a hotel bath with potatoes whilst wearing a bra, his response was simple: “It felt like the right thing to do at the time.” Caught by police officers outside a Travelodge in Eastleigh, with the aforementioned woman’s undergarment on over his shirt and a bag of spuds under his arm, it’s fair to say the authorities soon realised something was up. It was only after the officers searched Mr. Johnson’s room at the hotel, however, that the reality of the situation became clear. Inside, they found an “Aladdin’s cave” of drugs including Ecstacy, the psychedelic drug 2CB and something called 5-MAPB – a designer drug boasting similarities to MDMA, or as it is more appropriately nicknamed, ‘Mandy’.

Read More

Boner Candidate #3: SHED? WHAT SHED?

Authorities in Maine said three men were arrested after being caught in the act of using a pickup truck to drag a stolen 25-foot shed down a road. Maine State Police said troopers responded Sunday to a report of . used to drag the large shed, which was not on any kind of trailer, down a road in Lebanon. Troopers arrived to find the shed still being dragged and blocking half the road. Police arrested suspects Matthew Thompson, Timothy James and Robert Breton after verifying that the shed had been stolen from a foreclosed property.

Read More


Subscribe to X96's News!

Get the latest music news, contests and flyaways, and more straight to your inbox with our weekly emails.

* indicates required
Comments
To Top