Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One and Two) for May 29th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: AND I CAN SMELL WHEN SOMEONE IS FULL OF “YOU KNOW WHAT.”

That’s one hell of a claim to make but Ari Kala, 24, swears she can tell if you’re about to kick the bucket by taking a whiff of you. The ‘psychic-coach’ apparently discovered the talent when she smelled a ‘sickly sweet’ odour on her dying uncle when she was just 12 years old. The ‘psychic-coach’ apparently discovered the talent when she smelled a ‘sickly sweet’ odour on her dying uncle when she was just 12 years old. ‘The year before I started high school I visited my uncle to be with him as he died,’ she said. ‘The night before his death I picked up this this odd, sickly sweet rotten kind of smell in the house.’

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Boner Candidate #2: NO ENGLISH? YOU CAN’T STAY HERE.

The student was allegedly told that if he “cannot speak English, you are not going to be able to stay here.” A California flight instructor and his assistant were arrested last week for allegedly kidnapping one of their students with the intention of surreptitiously deporting him back to his native China. According to an audio recording of the alleged abduction, the 21-year-old student was told that if he “cannot speak English, you are not going to be able to stay here.” Police in Redding, California, said they intercepted Jonathan McConkey, reportedly the general manager of the IASCO Flight Training school in Redding, and his assistant Kelsi Hoser at the Redding Municipal Airport on Friday before the duo was able to get the student on a plane “to be sent back to China.”

Boner Candidate #3: SHE ALREADY GOT HER FREE STUFF.

An Albertsons grocery store cashier allegedly shamed a woman using WIC benefits to buy fruits and vegetables earlier this month.The incident took place at a store in Gresham, Ore., and was reported on social media by a woman who has since requested to stay anonymous. In the now-viral Facebook post, the woman alleges her mother was standing behind an African-American woman who was buying fruits and vegetables using WIC assistance – the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children that provides assistance to low-income women who are pregnant or postpartum, and children up to 5 years old.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I’LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.

A suspicious package investigation took an unexpected turn after a fed-up cyclist emptied its contents onto the street before police tackled him to the ground. The bag was reported to police after it was spotted on top of an electrical box  on Wisconsin Avenue in Milwaukee shortly before 7am. The call prompted response from police and the the bomb squad who were investigating the ‘suspicious package’ before the bizarre scene unfolded. The video shows the bag being moved from the box onto the intersection by an official in protective armour as a safety precaution causing the road to be blocked off with police tape. The seemingly impatient road user is seen getting off his bike next to the yellow tape before picking up the bag and tipping out the contents-of which were a water bottle, clothing and smaller items- onto the street.

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Boner Candidate #2: NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL NEIGHBORHOOD POLICING!

Is that a pistol in your G-string, or are you just glad to see us? Four female NYPD cops who appeared eager to bring back stop-and-frisk are under the gun for posing for photos with a strapping male stripper. The gals were all grins as the buff entertainer — wearing nothing but boots and a thong — draped his arms around two of them while a third pointed at his barely wrapped package. A snapshot of the action — which gives new meaning to the term “junk justice” — also shows another beefy stripper nearby, wearing a sailor cap in addition to his G-string. The photo was posted on social media Sunday morning and reveals someone in a Police Academy shirt taking a close-up on a cellphone at the same time.

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Boner Candidate #3: WHO LEFT THE FURNACE DOOR OPEN?

Residents of San Diego were confronted by a strange puff of gray smoke on the sidewalks of National City—a puff that contained human remains. The building where the ash cloud was billowing from was a crematorium. According to ABC 10 News, the Cortez Family Crematorium on 35th St was reported to be releasing smoke at around midday on Thursday. National City Fire Captain Brian Krebs said the business had mistakenly left the oven door open while the furnace was in use. The ash cloud was billowing from the chimney and the front door.The heat from the furnace set off the fire extinguishers and firefighters said the smell was quite strong. The cloud on the street was a mixture of human remains, chemicals from the fire extinguishing system and smoke.

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