Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for November 30th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: DON’T SKIMP ON THE DAMN KETCHUP

A California woman allegedly caught on surveillance video last month assaulting a McDonald’s worker after she didn’t get enough ketchup has been arrested, authorities said Wednesday. Mayra Bernice Gallo, 24, was taken into police custody at her Santa Ana home on Tuesday. Police received multiple tips from the public, Cpl. Anthony Bertagna told the OC Register. Police had released surveillance video of the incident that they said showed a suspect walking into a McDonald’s on Oct. 27 and becoming enraged. “She didn’t get her ketchup, or enough,” Bertagna told the paper. “An employee in the back (of the restaurant) had told her she couldn’t go inside, but she did. She was on a mission.”

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Boner Candidate #2: HEY UBER WHY DID YOU TAKE ME TO THE JAIL?

A Southwest Florida man accused of driving drunk when he caused an accident this weekend thought he was in an Uber vehicle as police transported him to jail. NBC affiliate WBBH-TV reports 40-year-old Travis Howard was arrested after rear ending another vehicle who was stopped at a light near Cape Coral on Saturday evening. Howard told Lee County deputies he couldn’t remember how the crash happened and handed officers a hotel card when they asked for his license. Howard refused to take a breathalyzer test before failing several sobriety tests and being arrested on DUI charges. While in the back of a deputy’s car, Howard reportedly said “Uber, when we get to my room, can I go to bed” before being informed he was going to jail.

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Boner Candidate #3: YOU ARE RIGHT. THEY SHOULDN’T MAKE FUN OF YOUR DAUGHTER’S STUPID NAME-THAT YOU GAVE HER!

A Texas mom is outraged after a Southwest Airlines worker made fun of her 5-year-old daughter’s name – by snapping a picture of the girl’s boarding pass and posting it on social media. Traci Redford, from El Paso, says the agent at John Wayne Airport in Orange County, California, began poking fun at her daughter’s name, Abcde – pronounced “ab-city” – as they boarded a flight a few weeks ago and put it online for users to shame the girl, who suffers from epilepsy. “The gate agent started laughing, pointing at me and my daughter, talking to other employees. So I turned around and said, ‘Hey if I can hear you, my daughter can hear you, so I’d appreciate if you’d just stop,’” Redford told KABC this week. Redford said she only recently learned that the agent took a picture and put it online after a friend spotted it circulating on social media.

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: AND IT’S EXTRA FUNNY BECAUSE HIS NAME IS BEERS.

St. Augustine man named Beers arrested on DUI charge. A St. Augustine man was jailed in St. Johns County after reports of a disturbance at a BBQ restaurant on Tuesday, authorities said in a report.  Jason Beers, 41, of St. Augustine, drove away from Jack’s BBQ on A1A when a patrol officer attempted to pull him over, a St. Augustine Beach Police report said. A verbal disturbance had been reported at the restaurant, the report said. Beers initially didn’t pull over and was going 57 mph in a 30 mph zone, the report said, but he eventually complied by pulling into the parking lot of a nearby Circle K. Police said Beers had the smell of alcohol on his breath and a glass pipe — used for smoking marijuana — in his truck. Beers didn’t do well on field exercises to determine his level of intoxication, the report said.

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Boner Candidate #2: HE MADE A JOKE ABOUT TURBULENCE

A college student said that a Delta pilot messaged him on Grindr during their flight. A passenger onboard a Delta plane was creeped out after a pilot messaged him on Grindr during their flight. JP Thorn, a 27-year-old college student, told The Post that the strange interaction happened while he was flying from Saint Paul, Minnesota, to Chicago in August. When his flight landed, his cellular service returned and he noticed a new notification on the gay dating app. “I see you’re on my flight,” the message read. “Enjoy the ride to Chicago.” “My reaction was I knew I needed to get off this plane as fast as I can,” Thorn, who’s studying communications at Hamline University, told The Post. “I’ve had some weird experiences with proximity stuff on Grindr.”

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Boner Candidate #3: NOT SILENT BUT NONE-THE-LESS DEADLY

DANIA BEACH, Fla. – Shanita Wilson, 37, is facing a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill after she allegedly pulled a knife on a man at a Dollar General store in Florida. Wilson was in line at the retail chain, waiting to pay for items, when the man standing behind her complained about her farting loudly, according to WPLG.

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