Round One
Boner Candidate #1: SHE MADE IT A WEDDING TO REMEMBER
This story is everything I want at my wedding (well, maybe not). Live action. Brian and Jennifer Butler were having themselves a wedding to remember until things got a little rowdy. They had their cake and first dance while Maid of Honor Amanda Willis started drinking. “She was a mess. She drank almost a whole entire bottle of Fireball,” said guest Robert Templeton. “She was drunk within 20 minutes to half an hour,” said Jennifer Butler. Willis started asking people for their keys, according to those in attendance. “She just went up to the best man and grabbed his keys out of his pocket and jumped in his car,” said Templeton.
Boner Candidate #2: HEY NUDIE, YA AIN’T SO TOUGH WHEN YA SEE GRAMMA NO TEETH ARE YA?
A man in a black sweatshirt is a person of interest in a shooting at a Walmart in Hobart, Indiana. A Titusville, Florida grandmother opened her blinds early Friday morning, expecting to see her cat on the back porch, only to see a nude man standing there, according to police. According to WFTV, Axel Rivera, 28, was wearing a two-piece jail outfit and a pair of flip-flops when he faced a judge Friday afternoon on charges of burglary and exposing sexual organs. That’s three more items of clothing than Titusville police said Rivera was wearing when he was discovered on Pennelope Pettersen’s screened porch around 2 a.m. “I always look first. I opened the blinds and said, ‘What the hell? That’s not my cat,'” said Pettersen.
Boner Candidate #3: THIS APPLESAUCE TASTES KIND OF OFF.
Ask anyone in a restaurant business, and they’ll tell you it takes a lot of hustle and attention to detail to pass a health department inspection with flying colors. Sometimes citations can feel minor and trivial. But in the case of one Minnesota health inspection, it’s pretty easy to understand the reason for the penalty. According to a court ruling made public earlier this week, Joseph Wagner was fined for storing jars of applesauce in the embalming room of his funeral home. During a fall 2017 health department visit to Wagner Funeral Home in Jordan, Minnesota, inspectors found 60 crates of applesauce from his brother’s nearby apple orchard stacked in the same room where hazardous chemicals were stored. That’s a big no-no given that Minnesota state law expressly forbids the storage of anything not directly related to the embalming process in such a room.
[polldaddy poll=10123705]
Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: AT LEAST HE KEPT MOVING. HE WAS MULTI TASKING.
Surveillance video caught a postal worker leaving more than mail after walking onto the porch of a Memphis home. The homeowner sent video to WHBQ that shows the mailman urinating while walking up the stairs to the door of the Castle Avenue residence. The disgusted resident said he won’t touch his mail out of concern for what might be on it. He shared the video on Facebook and wrote: “We just moved in a month ago and My front porch may be a work in progress but however no one deserves this !! Mail man pissed on our front porch then touched our mail. #memphis”
Boner Candidate #2: AND WE’LL THROW SPIDERS ON YOU TOO.
Two pre-K teachers have resigned after students accused them of tying their hands behind their backs with zip ties. Parents of the Oak View Elementary students were stunned and furious at the allegations involving 4-year-old children. “It just breaks my heart that I can’t send my child to school and for her to be safe, learn and get an education,” said one mother, who didn’t want to be identified. She told Channel 2’s Tyisha Fernandes that she wants every parent to know what she says happened to her 4-year-old daughter and another student at the Decatur school. The alleged incident happened on Monday, but it wasn’t until Tuesday that someone called school officials about it.
Boner Candidate #3: NOW HERE’S A MOM WHO KNOWS HOW TO SUPPORT HER CHILD
A St. Louis mom is making a federal case over the fact that her son didn’t make the high school soccer team. The unnamed woman, whose son is a junior at Ladue Horton Watkins High School– located in the most affluent section of the city– filed a lawsuit in federal court this week, claiming the coach’s decision discriminates against her child. The boy, called John Doe in the Wednesday filing at the US District Court for the Eastern District of Missouri, played on the junior varsity team last year, and the suit claims he’s good enough to do so again “[John] was right on the bubble of making the team this year and has some impressive attributes,” soccer coach Dave Aronberg told the family in an email, court papers show. “However, there were a few holes in his game including technical ability and game decision making that put him behind a number of kids.”
[polldaddy poll=10123726]
