Boners

Boner (Round One) for April 10th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: YOU DON’T WANT TO MESS WITH ME

A Michigan woman was arrested Wednesday night, accused of choking a high school girl during a fireworks display at Disney’s Magic Kingdom after the teenager and her friends wouldn’t sit down and blocked her view. Tabbatha Kaye Mature, 41 of New Baltimore, Mich., is accused of child abuse, a felony. She was booked into the Orange County Jail and was released on $2,000 bond. She did not return a phone call Thursday evening.

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Boner Candidate #2: CHEERLEADING CAN BE EXPENSIVE

Details on the mystery suspension of an entire college cheerleading squad are now being filled in, thanks to an FOIA request. The Sun News has acquired a criminal investigation report compiled by South Carolina’s Coastal Carolina University that indicates cheerleaders on its squad were working at strip clubs and also accepting between $100 and $1,500 (as well as shoes, clothes, and designer purses) per date to serve as escorts through a “sugar daddy” dating site. (The report does add the cheerleaders weren’t believed to have provided sexual favors in these escort roles.) Of the 18 squad members, only seven didn’t know anything about the escort service allegedly going on behind the scenes, the report adds.

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Boner Candidate #3: SHE WAS EASY TO APPREHEND

A 52-year-old woman who walked into a Crestview convenience store, stole booze and then passed out on the ground outside was charged with theft. The clerk hadn’t noticed the woman taking items, but another customer had. After the customer told the clerk, they discovered the woman outside. She woke up long enough to tell him a friend had paid for her drinks. She then got up and walked away with the remaining beverages, according to her Crestview Police Department arrest report. The stolen items included two cans of Bud Light, Lime-A-Right, Straw-ber-Rita and a bottle of Menage a Trios, according to her report.

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