Boners

Boner (Round One) for April 21st, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: A RADICAL CURE FOR CONSTIPATION

A factory worker from southeast China put a half-a-metre long eel into his anus in a bid to cure his constipation problem. 49-year-old Mr Liu was rushed to the local hospital after claiming he had a stomach ache last week. Doctors were shocked when the found the Asian swamp eel in his stomach along with faeces and food residue. According to a report on Guangdong Television, Liu visited the hospital claiming he had a constipation problem. Doctors diagnosed the man with bowel obstruction and recommended that he stay at the hospital for further treatment. Liu refused and decided to resort to ancient method of treating constipation by putting an eel into his anus to try and clear the blockage. However the eel caused a major stomach ache and he was rushed to Guangzhou Dongren Hospital. Doctors examined Liu’s abdominal area and found a hole in the duodenum area. They were then shocked to find an eel in his intestines. They removed the half-a-metre (1.64 ft) long Asian swamp eel, weighing about 250g (0.55 lbs), with a head of three to five centimeters (1.18 – 1.97 inch) wide. They also found faeces and food residue in this body.

Eel ButtEel Butt 2

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Boner Candidate #2: CLASSY WHITE HOUSE DINNER GUESTS

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin said Thursday that she brought rockers Ted Nugent and Kid Rock to the White House for dinner with President Trump because her first choice, Jesus, was unavailable. “Well, President Trump had called … just to touch base. So he asked me to get to D.C. and we’d be able to chat over dinner and asked if I’d invite a couple of friends,” Palin said. “So you brought Kid Rock and Ted Nugent?” CNN’s Jake Tapper asked. “Jesus was booked,” Palin said, a comment she also made to The New York Times earlier in the day. “So yes, I invited my buddies Kid Rock and Ted Nugent — some bold, courageous, all-American dudes who I knew would have good conversation with the president and get to express a lot of good middle-class, work ethic type of issues and policy proposals that they could all relate to, and that’s exactly what happened at the dinner.” At the White House, Palin and the two outspoken conservative rockers also took a picture in front of Hillary Clinton’s first lady portrait that is featured inside. “Yeah. The picture says it all,” Palin said.

Classy White House

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Boner Candidate #3: SOMETIMES IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO HANDLE THESE DAMN KIDS

That came back to bite her. A former teacher was arrested Tuesday for biting a 4-year-old autistic student at Locust Early Childhood Center in Abilene, Texas. Kirsten Joelle Barnett, 25, was charged with injury to a child for allegedly sinking her teeth into the child after he did not follow instructions, according to news station KTXS. Police said that Barnett placed the child in a “restraining hold” and then bit him near the ear. A teacher’s aide reported the incident to authorities on Feb. 1 after seeing a “swollen bite mark” on the student. Abilene Independent School District officials said they “acted swiftly” after the report. “The teacher was immediately placed on leave during the course of the police investigation and has not returned to the classroom or interacted with students again,” Superintendent David Young told Dallas Morning News. “She has subsequently resigned from the Abilene Independent School District.” Barnett was booked at Taylor County Detention Center, where she was released on $5,000 bail. She could face up to 10 years in prison if convicted.

BitingTeacher

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