Boners

Boner (Round One) for April 3rd, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: GEEZE PEOPLE, SETTLE DOWN

Brian Studdard’s father turned 99-years-old this week. On Saturday, Studdard drove from Atlanta to Birmingham for a family celebration at Niki’s West. But once Studdard arrived at the restaurant, he says a hostess explained there was an issue with his attire. “One of the hostesses came to me and said some of the line servers thought my t-shirt was inappropriate or offensive,” Studdard explained. The bright pink t-shirt bears a simple drawing of female breasts and states “Breast Matters” in large print.  Studdard says he got it when he participated in a 5-mile walk in Atlanta to support a friend battling the disease and raise awareness for breast cancer.  A website maintained by James B-More Wharton, an author in Baltimore, offers the shirt for sale for $10.99. “One of my best friends died a few months ago from breast cancer, one of my sisters is a breast cancer survivor, so it means a lot,” he said.

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Boner Candidate #2: A BET IS A BET

Houston police responding to multiple calls about a man duct-taped to a yield sign arrived to find a man who had lost a bet — and they nearly Tased his friend. Police responded Wednesday to an intersection in northeast Houston where drivers reported seeing a man duct taped to a yield sign. They arrived to find a second man with a knife approaching the taped individual. “Drop the knife or I’ll Tase you,” KHOU-TV quoted an officer as shouting at the man.Police soon discovered the man was actually attempting to cut down his friend, Miguel Chavez, who had been taped to the sign as punishment for losing a bet.

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Boner Candidate #3:WELL, HE DIDN’T ENJOY IT; NOT GUILTY

A wealthy 21-year-old Mexican man has been found not guilty of sexually assaulting a schoolgirl — because he “did not enjoy it,” according to reports. Diego Cruz was an alleged member of the “Los Porkys” gang of four privileged young men who were accused of gang-raping a 17-year-old girl on Jan. 1, 2015, the Telegraph of the UK reported. The girl told cops she was assaulted after a New Year’s party when she got into a car with the suspects, who were her classmates in an elite private school in southern Veracruz state. In a ruling that drew outrage, Judge Anuar González found that although Cruz may have touched the girls’s breasts and penetrated her with his fingers, he had done so without “carnal intent” — so was not guilty of assault, The Guardian reported.

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