Boners

Boner (Round One) for August 9th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: WE GOT A WHOLE BOWL FULL OF DNA HERE

VENTURA, Calif. – A man accused of burglarizing a Southern California home took a bathroom break and left DNA evidence in the toilet that led to his arrest, an investigator said Tuesday. The suspect “did his business and didn’t flush it” during the October break-in in the city of Thousand Oaks, said Detective Tim Lohman of the Ventura County Sheriff’s Office. That allowed investigators to collect evidence to conduct a DNA profile. It matched another profile in a national database and detectives tracked down the suspect at his home in the nearby city of Ventura.

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Boner Candidate #2: I WAS TRYING TO MELLOW OUT MAN

Talk about a high court. A man was kicked out of a courtroom in Oregon last month after smoking a joint in the back row, befuddling a judge and court deputies. The unidentified man — who was not issued a citation — lit up and asked two deputies if marijuana was indeed legal in Oregon when he was confronted in the back row of a third-floor courtroom at the Multnomah County Courthouse in Portland, the Oregonian reports. “I said, ‘Sir, you need to leave the courthouse now,’” courthouse deputy Chris Payne recalled. “He said, ‘Why?’ I said, ‘You can’t smoke marijuana in public.’ And he said, ‘Oh, you can’t?’”

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Boner Candidate #3: I WANTED TO FEEL THE EXCITEMENT

A former Utah Highway Patrol officer and fire chief has been charged with starting the Maeser Highway Fire, which in June burned about 1,000 acres and forced evacuations in eastern Utah. Rex Olsen, 37, was charged Tuesday by the Utah Attorney General’s Office with arson, a second-degree felony, and with a violation of wildland fire prevention, a class B misdemeanor…  Court records state the fire was started using a cigarette and a match. The cigarette acted as a “timed fuse,” wrote Jason Curry, an investigator with the Division of Forestry, Fire, and State Lands. “I located and reviewed video evidence at a local gas station that showed Rex Olsen purchasing the type of cigarette used at the scene to start the fire,” Curry wrote.

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