Boners

Boner (Round One) for August 14th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: THE GROUNDHOG MADE ME DO IT

LOUISVILLE, KY (WAVE) – A man who was accused of masturbating in a park told police it was all a misunderstanding involving a groundhog. Louisville Metro police were called to Lannan Memorial Park Thursday on a report of a man masturbating in the bushes. The victim also said the suspect was following them and watching them play.

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Boner Candidate #2: MORE TACO BELL VIOLENCE

Incensed that he would have to share Taco Bell tacos with his brother–who brought the takeout food home–an Alabama man grabbed a baseball bat and struck his sibling in the head, police allege. According to cops, the victim said that he went last night to a Taco Bell near his residence in Athens, a city 35 miles west of Huntsville. The man said he “brought my brother back some food and the food for myself. I had a soft drink and he had water.” But when Tyler Tarrell Dukes, the victim’s 19-year-old brother, realized that he would have to share the tacos, he became “irate.” Dukes was also angry about “not getting a soft drink himself,” the victim told police.

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Boner Candidate #3: AMERICANS MAKING US PROUD ABROAD

An American man suffered minor injuries in Dresden after being punched for making a Nazi salute while drunk in a bar, German police said Sunday. The 41-year-old man “was very drunk” early Saturday morning when he made the “Hitler greeting” at a bar in the Neustadt district of Dresden, deputy police chief Lutz Milker said. “He didn’t say anything — just the salute. So far we have no explanation why.”

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