Boners

Boner (Round One) for August 4th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: CUCUMBER RAGE

Incensed that there were not enough cucumbers in his salad, a Pennsylvania man allegedly threatened the life of a Wendy’s employee and later sought to drive away from the fast food eatery while a police officer had his arm inside the suspect’s vehicle, according to court records. Police say that Theodore Gunderson, 58, entered the Wendy’s in Earl Township around 3:40 PM Sunday and ordered a salad. Upon receiving his grub, the 5’8”, 240-pound Gunderson “immediately caused a disturbance in the business by throwing the salad at an employee because the salad did not have enough cucumbers,” a probable cause affidavit charges. Gunderson then threatened the employee, saying, “If I had a gun or a knife you would be the first to go.” When a New Holland Police Department patrolman arrived at the restaurant, Gunderson was inside his auto. “The defendant then refused to put his window down or get out of his vehicle,” Officer Michael Specht reported.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE WANTED A COMPLETE RECORD OF OUR CRIME

Jacksonville police are looking for the young men shown in a cellphone video stealing from a local 7-Eleven. The young men took the video and posted it to social media, according to police. The police report states ten individuals entered the store at Kernan and Atlantic boulevards in a group Wednesday. One young man recorded while the group stole multiple items, including a hot dog, which one of the young men made and ate right in front of a store employee, police said. The 7-Eleven employee threatened to call the police, and shortly thereafter, the group left. The report states several members of the group got into a black SUV, and the rest ran north. “That’s classic shoplifting and it’s almost close enough to strong-armed robbery,” said Action News Jax law and safety expert Dale Carson.

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Boner Candidate #3: OH THEM DUKE BOYS

Police in Massachusetts arrested former “Dukes of Hazzard” star Tom Wopat Wednesday night after an actress alleged that he recently grabbed her buttocks during rehearsal for a musical. Officers in the Boston suburb of Waltham said that during the arrest, they found what they believed to be cocaine in Wopat’s possession. The 65-year-old faces charges of alleged indecent assault, battery and drug possession, according to Fox News. Wopat was in Waltham to appear in “42nd Street,” scheduled to open there tonight. A female cast member told officers that Wopat grabbed her buttocks on July 23 while they were rehearsing a scene. She said the incident made her uncomfortable and uneasy, so much so that she filed a harassment protection order against Wopat, which was granted on Thursday, according to the Waltham News Tribune. “I don’t want him near me,” she told the court. Wopat pleaded not guilty during his arraignment on Thursday. He was released on $1,000 bail and was told to stay away from the woman. A pretrial hearing was set for Sept. 26. Court documents cited another woman who said Wopat allegedly tapped her on the rear end with his script and said “nice butt,” before poking her stomach.

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